Yoga

It's been a minute since my last photo/update so I'm going to take this opportunity on Christmas to give you a peek into my world since my last posts.

Over the past four months, lots happened. I moved, the new job became hectic, personal life shifted immensely, and for all those reasons, my eating and workouts suffered. I was going to pilates maybe twice a week but mostly didn't want to get out of bed to go. I was still doing yoga but not as much as I was when I first moved here. At the beginning of December, my friends agreed to go to yoga with me, which meant accountability. I also figured out I could go to more classes than just the one studio I had been attending for the one class so that meant I had more options! For a few weeks, I've been going consistently! I have to say I have figured out more about myself and my body through yoga than ever before.

I have strong feelings about being a white woman who practices yoga and what that appears as and could be read as but for me, it's deeper than being cool or hip. It's about the connection to my body, the connection to a greater being, the connection to my breath which I often forget. I find myself holding breath throughout the day but through my practice, I have figured out how to breathe.

When I first moved here, my eating and body suffered greatly. As any person would, I was trying to find my footing. Now that I have a "routine", my community, and have a commitment to eat like I normally would, I am finding myself more centered and balanced.

I decided to take a picture today while doing laundry to show how far I've come in my practice. My body responds in a different way than it has to pilates or barre. It has become longer and leaner and slowly I'm seeing different muscles. One of my teachers pointed out my strong neck. Cool...LOL. But in all seriousness, my body (and soul, really) have taken to this new practice and I feel more me than I have ever.

This move has changed my life in so many (unexpected) ways and for that I'm grateful.

In a month, I'll have hit my four year Paleo anniversary and what a wild four years it has been! I'm so thankful for the ups, the downs, the tears, the laughter, the strife, the changes, but most of all, I'm so happy to be where I am. I am so grateful.

Today's practice was about the root chakra and how to lead from a place of gratitude. Therefore, today I am thinking about the people I am thankful for, the body that I am grateful hasn't crapped out on me, and the ability to move at my own pace.

Happy Holidays all.

Warning! Period post!

Good morning readers!

This post is about periods, again, because let's be honest, my period is something that should be discussed because not everyone has "normal" periods and mine are far from it....until now!

I got a lovely surprise Thursday morning without knowing it. My period tracker in my phone said I wouldn't get my period until November so I didn't think that it was going to happen...until it did.

I had no warning signs, which are typically food related or cramps. So before my period I often want cheese, chocolate, and baked goods. This time around not so much. I did devour a gluten free brownie but that's normal, I love them. So when I woke up with it, I was shocked! I had no cramps and no bloating. I felt a little chubby but felt like I was just having one of those days. Well turns out, my body didn't cramp this period, AT ALL. I'm on day four and I haven't had an episode with my endo. I cannot believe I am even writing these words. In 21 years of having my period, I have suffered from cramps due to my illness. I have never had a completely cramp free month, until now. I don't know why or how or what on Earth made it this way but it is this way. I brought my meds just in case and even toyed with having my doctor call in a Rx to CT but I didn't need it.

I'm sitting here thinking "it has to happen" because I expect to it happen. But it hasn't. I am so grateful to have a hassle free period this month.

I'm so grateful for this particular period and crossing my fingers that this can be the new normal.

Thanks for reading!

Two months of Beautycounter

Greetings readers!

It's been awhile since I've been able to write but I wanted to give you a two month progress report on my skin.

In July I started using Beautycounter products (see previous posts).  I'm entering my twelfth week using the products and I couldn't be happier. Let me tell you a little about my skin journey.

As many of my readers know, I've struggled with many illnesses throughout my life and struggled with acne (not as bad as some relatives but pretty bad).  I was pretty self-conscious of it and didn't really know what to do. I had this patch on my face (photo below is the closest I could get to showing you) on the right side of my face that never went away. This was my problem area for as long as I could remember. When I transitioned to Paleo/gluten free, for the most part, after about six months, my skin started clear but I still struggled with some blemishes and pimples every few weeks.

Well, in July I started to use Beautycounter and I got a compliment on my skin this week. I have NEVER been complimented on my skin. I fully attribute it to Beautycounter.

Beautycounter is now in Target for a limited run and it's a little expensive (cheaper in Target than online FYI) but it's worth it.

Here are the products I own: http://www.beautycounter.com/skin-care.html

-Nourishing Rosewater Mist
-Body butter
-Lip conditioner
-Nourishing Day Cream
-Charcoal bar
-Purifying Charcoal Mask
-Eyeshadow
-Mascara (I'm allergic to most kinds and I'm not allergic to it.)



 

Self-care

Self care is very important. I have been going at full speed since January between work, love, and school and this summer was no exception. As many of my readers know, I changed jobs and moved from LA to Monterey Bay. Honestly, this move was partially motivated by self care. The ocean is my happy place. There is healing in the air and in the waves. I become rejuvenated by the sea. This move has been so healing. While I miss my friends, chosen family, and students in SoCal, I am feeling more and more myself every day.

This morning I woke up pretty early and decided to drive to the beach. I've been working pretty hard since I started my new job and haven't really had a moment for myself during the week. I jumped in my car and headed to Lover's point. I walked and reflected. I took my self-care one step further and went to the best breakfast place for gluten free pancakes. I'm taking my time this morning before I have to be at work. I'm taking time for me and getting energized. Take time for you today. It's so important to make sure you put your body and mind first for a few minutes every day.

Beautycounter order has arrived!

I came home from work today to find my order!

I promptly laid it all out and checked it out. My first desire to was to try the peppermint lip conditioning balm. It's amazing. My lips feel so good. I am very pleased with it. It looks grown up and smells amazing. There's no weird taste and I really like how shiny my lips are with it on.

I washed my face with the charcoal bar and applied some cream afterward. The bar is so cool. It doesn't look black or grey on but really cleanses the face. My face felt soft and light afterwards. I applied some of the day cream post cleansing and that smells great and also feels very light.

I'm heading out in a bit and thought I'd throw on some mascara for kicks. It's the lengthening one and my lashes look so long. The mascara doesn't clump and so far my eyes aren't burning. I'm amazed at how long my lashes look. I'll take a before and after pic tomorrow. I'm also going to put on the eye-shadow tomorrow.

Overall, I'm very satisfied with my order!!!!

BEAUTYCOUNTER safer skincare

All over instagram lately, I've seen some Paleo folks raving about Beautycounter so I decided to check it out. I went on the site and they are having a deal so I went ahead and ordered some safe makeup and skin care. Yes, I use FatFace and it was great for my skin but it's expired so I thought I'd try something new :)

I ordered a few things: a charcoal bar, nourishing cream, and lip moisturizer. In addition to face care, I got some makeup. Many of you know, I do not wear mascara because it has gluten and it effects my eyes. But this mascara is the best out there for my allergies! I'm pretty stoked!!! I also ordered some eye shadow. There are days when I would like to wear a little makeup but don't trust just any brand. Once I saw some folks with SEVERE allergies using beautycounter, I looked into! I'm excited to be able to have the option to wear some makeup. 

Check them out! 

I'll review products when they arrive!

Balance

Good morning friends and readers!

This past weekend I celebrated my 31st birthday! And during the process, I thought a lot about balance and lifestyle. I believe it's important to maintain balance especially during times of celebration! I indulged this weekend but I balanced it out with some Pilates--focusing more on stretching than anything and getting a massage. Balance is key to a healthy life. I can drink hard cider, eat gluten free tiramisu, gluten free pizza, and whatever else my heart desires as long as I know my limit and can regulate my activity to balance it out. I find what works for me.

This post is to serve as a reminder that you all should strive for balance. Whatever that balance looks like for YOU. No one can or should dictate that for you. Look at your life. Where are you missing balance? How can you achieve balance? Take an inventory and try to change one thing a day to help you achieve a balanced lifestyle!

Meditation

Yesterday I decided that I would diffuse some oils, listen to a peaceful Spotify station and meditate. For those of you who know me, or don't, this is somewhat challenging for me. While meditating I remembered going to a meditation class sometime within 2004-2006 (yes large span) and I remembered being very uncomfortable, fidgety, and unable to turn my brain off. It made me so uncomfortable that I was being vulnerable in a room full of people I didn't know.

Well last night, I meditated for 13 uninterrupted minutes....I tried for 15 but heard someone at my door so stopped at minute 9 and restarted the timer for 10 minutes. It was my first time intentionally clearing my head and pushing every thought out. I did use that time to focus on quiet, clear, breathing, and the universe.

I asked during my meditative state for my journey to become clear. There are so many things I want to do and I get so caught up in the could be and excitement of all the new things. I just need to figure out my path, whatever that may be.

There are major health benefits to meditation. My goal is to meditate for 15 minutes 3-4 days a week working up to every day.

I challenge you today, to take 5 minutes in stillness and just listen; to your body, your desires, your heart. Take 5 minutes of quiet to hear what you've been missing.

Updates :)

Good morning my fun and friendly readers,

It's been a minute since I've posted so let me take a minute and update you:

1. I was in the Bay area last week. Eating was fascinating! I went armed with RXbars, Primal Kitchen Primal Fuel, some gluten-free Kind granola, and a host of other goodies. Eating in a city is sort of easier than eating here in the Inland Empire. I was able to go to Mariposa Bakery a few times which lead me to eating a lot of amazing gluten free amazingness! I was so excited. If you are in San Fransisco, please go there! I HIGHLY recommend it (though I haven't written my yelp review yet--I don't think). Please do yourself a favor and go there. It was incredible. I had cinnamon buns, chocolate chunk cookies, and the most amazing sandwiches. SOOOO GOOD! Other than that, I listened to my body and had some delicious sushi, Korean food, and Peruivan food. Let me tell you about this place: Pica Pica was worth the 10 minute Muni or Bart ride. I ate SO well. I had the Taro Nachos and it was like I died and went to heaven. Please go there, too! Being gluten-free or Paleo isn't so bad as long as you don't give it too much power.

If you are worried about elimination or trying new things, there are resources. Allow yourself to grieve for the food you will leave behind but please know there are good alternatives out there! I'm so happy with my choice and it's all about find what works for you.

2. I stopped Barre a few months ago. For a variety of reasons but I've been feeling like I wanted to do Pilates again recently. It really helped heal my knee, which I kinda messed up again and my back :D but that's another story.

So I started Pilates again on Tuesday close to my new apartment. It's like Classical Pilates and Barre had a baby. It's fun and energic. It was interesting to see my body remember all the Pilates moves. You may or may not know this, but I did Pilates for two years before switching to Barre. Now I'm switching it up again. I haven't given up on Barre forever, just taking a break.

The Pilates class was great. I enjoyed being on the Cadillac again, it felt like being home. I've always thought I would someday take classes to become an instructor so maybe when I have "normal" job ;)

3.Coffee update!!!! While at the conference in SF, I really wanted to drink coffee but I resisted. Until Sunday! We were on the ocean, having brunch and I just wanted the cup in my hand. So I asked for decaf and put regular milk in it. I only drank half of the cup and was fine. This morning...I'm drinking a small amount of cold brew with almond milk. I feel good and am feeling like maybe every once and awhile, I can do this. I've been without coffee for 2 months and I'm in no way wanting to go back to what I was doing before. So here's to trying it out!

4. I started diffusing essential oils before bed and it's life changing! I have a beautiful diffuser and oils from Do Terra. It's such a good choice to diffuse oils. I feel like it calms me down and makes me sleepy, well the lavender does. I'm waiting for more oils, so stay tuned!

Thanks for reading!

Primal Kitchen Mayo!

Last week was the first time I tried the Primal Kitchen Mayo I purchased in my latest Thrive Market order. And I have to share a secret....It's amazing!!!!!! I don't remember what Hellmen's tastes like but I think it was sour and tart and not very yummy. But this Primal Kitchen Mayo is out of this world. I cannot say enough good things about it. I made BLTA (BLT plus Avocado) over the weekend just like my stepmom use to make and the mayo made them SOOOOOOO good. I'm really impressed with Primal Kitchen's products. I'm a happy camper! Check it out! It's very good and if you buy it through Thrive Market, it's cheaper than off the website :D

Siete Quesadilla

Yesterday, I decided to make a quesadilla with my left-over grass fed steak and the amazing Siete Tortillas.  OMG, I was in heaven! I heated up the steak in a pan with ghee and removed when the steak was browned.  Grated raw milk cheddar cheese. Cut the lettuce and avocado.  I put one tortilla into the heated ghee and let that brown a bit. I layered cheese to melt, then steak, then more cheese and another tortilla. OMG. I really can't stop raving about how good it was. I wish I had had more steak because I would've made more. These tortillas are no joke. I'm so glad I took a leap of faith and ordered a bunch. I highly recommend them!

Primal fuel

As promised, here is the review of Primal Fuel by Primal Kitchen.

This morning I woke up almost giddy to try my new primal fuel! I opened it and mixed it with Califa Almond Milk and it was really good. It wasn't grainy or had an intense texture. The flavor was perfect (chocolate coconut) with no gross aftertaste and it mixed pretty easily in with the almond milk. There was some powder on the side of the glass that I sort of just mixed in with my finger. I think a blender would be needed to make it more creamy but I didn't mind.

This powder has 20 grams of protein! It's supposed to be a meal replacement but we will see how that turns out for me haha. On the weekend, I typically eat two breakfasts anyway. And it's moving weekend so I need to eat a lot!

So there is much debate on what's in it. The ingredients are listed (I think there's 6 of them--all things I know) and under the "contains" section it states there's soy. But the ingredients don't list soy. So I'll keep you posted because I'm allergic to soy --thankfully not deathly--but I'll itch or knock out.

Overall, get this powder, it's a great powder if you are into those!

Paleo and the critics

There are many times I critic Paleo and the existing isms that are within the Paleo industry. For example, most of the folks who have Paleo books are (mostly) white, appear middle class and heterosexual. You know me. I think about these things. I think about the intersection of class and Paleo as well as race and Paleo. Most of the products that are "Paleo friendly" are made by white folks.

Well, as I've said in a previous post, I bought Siete Tortillas. When I exclaimed my excitement to my partner, I was met with resistance because of the common assumption that Paleo is white. I was SO excited to share the story of Siete with her! So here it is:

Veronica, of Siete Family Foods battles an autoimmune disease and her family came together to support her transition to new foods. She made these tortillas that are praised within this world. I'm SO excited for them to arrive today that I want to make all the things! I love Mexican food and often times grin and bear the consumption of corn tortillas but I won't have to any longer! I'm SO excited.

Check them out. I'll make some good food this weekend, photograph it and let ya know how it goes!

Lack of appetite and Primal Fuel

Does this happen to anyone else? Every year, not at the same time, I generally cannot be bothered with food. The act of chewing annoys me. The lack of ease of meals annoys me. I just cannot be bothered. This morning was no exception. I had no interest in cooking eggs so I drank a Rebbl and am going to eat an RX bar in a bit. I think I need to make some stuff ahead of time so I can just grab and go. What are your favorite grab and go meals? I know there are some in various Paleo cookbooks I own so when I move, I'll check it out and see what I can make ahead on Sundays and eat throughout the week with the intermixing of my new Primal Fuel by Primal Kitchen. Check it out! I'm super excited about it! I don't generally like protein powders but this one is recommended by one of the advocates for Paleo so I figure it'll be alright and a nice way to get protein when I just can't be bothered with eating.

I went ahead and got some no sugar added almond milk from Sprouts this morning so I will try the Primal Fuel tonight or tomorrow :)

Becoming Strict with Paleo!

I've made the choice to become stricter with Paleo and while doing that I find myself actually not wanting to eat. Not because I am striking food but because I'm not hungry. That's new for me. Well not exactly new, this happens every few years. I've gone ahead and ordered some products to help my transition back into strict Paleo.

Check out Primal Kitchen! One of my close friends swears by the Chipotle mayo so that was purchased haha.

I ordered all my products through Thrive Market and I saved $40 and got TWO free gifts! Two mustards by Sir Kensington that we've wanted to try so I'm excited!

Also in the mail is Siete's Tortillas. I see them all over other blogs so I took that plunge and bought a case so I can freeze them and enjoy them this summer.

Pretty excited about my purchases! When I get them, I'll do some reviewing for you!

Until then, enjoy Thursday!

Update on the intake of coffee

About an hour and a half after ingesting coffee, I threw up multiple times. Apparently, my body is literally rejecting coffee or maybe it's the creamer? Either way, I'm glad to not drink it again. I'm kind of surprised but thankful that I'm not doing anything today but reading because now I feel like crap.

No more coffee for me! Now we know!

How's it going?

hello blogger world!

It's a rainy Sunday morning here in Southern California and life has been busy. I started a reboot two weeks ago that failed this week due to SO many receptions at work. The end of the semester is so tough on my eating habits due to catering's amazing gluten free cookies. I have zero willpower against them. Most of all, they perfected the recipe in part because of me so I feel guilty not enjoying one. But I'm going to start the reboot again soon.

I didn't post about the reboot so here's a recap:  Two weeks ago one of us decided they were going to partake in the 21-day superhero challenge and the other is going to do a whole 30 type deal but not so strict. This was a decision I made while in the grocery store two weekends ago. I was feeling very much like I need a reboot in terms of food and what better time than now? I bought the staples because that's easy. And I'm trying to not stress myself out by being super strict with myself while adhering to the rules of whole 30. The reboot is more about getting back on track than losing weight. I've been SUPER lax about my diet because PHD and hectic work/life. When I had my three hour class this past term, I indulged with frozen gluten free pizza. Well, I started seeing and feeling those effects. I really needed to cut out sugar and I started when I cut out coffee because I was adding refined sugar to my cups. But we now know I got off track and will start again soon!

This morning, after a night of friends, graduation, and some alcohol, I woke up feeling like this rainy day really needed some coffee. I've been without it for six weeks and I felt like I could try to reintroduce it into my system but not at the levels I was drinking it. I'm sitting here enjoying some cold brew with some coconut milk creamer. I have never had Califa cold brew so I thought I'd give it a go. Check it out! It's SUPER smooth and tastes perfect. My anxiety isn't spiked and I'm not even sure my heart rate is increased. When I introduced sugar while doing my reboot, it was obvious that I had had sugar because my heart rate was through the roof! Then I crashed. I'm pretty excited that this coffee hasn't spiked anything and I'm feeling good.

The cold brew is high quality and I think if I had tried something like dunkin donuts or starbucks, I would've been screwed. I'm glad I went with a high quality cold brew to try it out!  The coconut milk creamer is by SO delicious and it is SO delicious.  I forgot how yummy it is!

This is kind of the perfect Sunday. I'm listening to Alabama Shakes, drinking coffee, listening to the rain with a cat attacking me with love (literally he's biting me when I stop petting him).

I'm off to do some reading for class. :) Thanks for reading! I'll update again soon!

Hugs!

New Hair Product Alert!

Greetings faithful and loyal readers,

I have started using a new shampoo and conditioner at the suggestion of my hair stylist (Anny VanDriel--she's BOMB! check her out). I've been using their product, Milk for over a year and love it. But now they have a shampoo and conditioner. It's called NUDE and I absolutely love it. I've bene using it a week and my hair feels amazing. So I was curious if they were gluten free and turns out THEY ARE! They have a pretty incredible story: http://www.gmreverie.com/about/


Here are the products I use:

Milk, NUDE: Shampoo and Conditioner: http://www.gmreverie.com/shop/

They are pricey but they are worth it for the amazing outcome and quality ingredients in the product :)

Check it out :)

Tea for everyone

So I'm almost a month into this 'no coffee' thing and as I've said before, it's been rough. Some days are easier than others but today a little package came in the mail from my cousin. She works at TeaPigs, selling tea and I got a nice little box of tea to try out.

This afternoon I'm sipping on 'melt away' a chocolate flake tea. It's really good and does taste like chocolate! When taking the sip, it smells like a chocolate shop. It's smooth in flavor and has no after-taste, which I love.

The box came with a wide variety of teas and I'm going to be sipping my way through and making note of which ones I like.

Stay tuned!

Updated 4/28:
I should note: look at ingredients of tea. I usually don't and am sorry I didn't. Some of the TeaPigs tea contains soy lectin or other things that I shouldn't be consuming. So some are not whole 30 and if you are allergic to soy like me, you stay away from those but I'll be testing the others I can try :)

Are you a coffee drinker?

Someone asked me today "are you a coffee drink?" and I literally paused and said "no, tea." This girl has been coffee free for 18 days! But what does that REALLY mean? I do drink caffeine in the form of mate and Rebbl (see previous post!) and herbal teas containing caffeine. I am so happy to be coffee free. Though it's weird, I think it makes a huge difference, like I've said in previous posts.

Another huge difference is the way I workout. So as some people may know, I stopped working out almost altogether in February. Some would say it was my funk but I think I was at a moment where I needed more. And for the past week, I've been doing more. I've done a lot of what I learned in Barre, at home and combined some heavy weight lifting and A LOT of walking. I'm easing myself back into my fitness as to not hurt my back and to just do what I can/when I can.

I'm feeling pretty great about my choices lately and not beating myself up for anything that isn't deserving of my time. I'm not stressing about my body looking different because my mind is feeling great. I'll get to where ever I want to be and there is no need to rush or stress.

Taking one day at a time and really trying to break some of the addictions to food/drinks I have :)

Take a deep breath and exhale the peace of knowing you are just where you are suppose to be.

Week two of the diaries

Two full weeks of no espresso, no coffee with almond milk, no cold brew, no lattes...WOW. I'm amazing myself with my lack of coffee intake. I've cut my caffeine intake by at least 500mg and I'm feeling great.

I'm noticing differences in my moods and my ability to handle stress. It's so odd that coffee/caffeine would affect my ability to handle stress but I have two distinct instances of not freaking out. I'm generally pretty prone to freaking out but I handled stress this week in a way new for me. I took in the information, the stressor, didn't freak out and made a plan to fix it. That's a new skill. I did some googling this morning and found it does have quite the affect on stress levels. Below is an article.

http://corporate.dukemedicine.org/news_and_publications/news_office/news/5687


Needless to say this cutting coffee out thing has been beneficial but I did wake up today really wanting a Mike's Special from our local coffee place. I didn't cave, instead made tea and will most likely go to Sprouts and get my new favorite Tonic and some La Croix water for the weekend. Check out Rebbl:  http://rebbl.co/ . It's so good. I really enjoy it and it gives me some natural energy like coffee but not at the same level.

Overall, things are looking up since giving up coffee and heading back to therapy. Now for some life decisions and PhD homework :)

Happy Saturday!

Officially 10 days without coffee

Here we are, 10 days later and I still haven't had coffee. It's been quite the experience. The addiction isn't broken yet but I know that I'm better off without it because I do feel (and see) a difference. These last few months I really let it go and started putting almond milk AND sugar in my coffee and I saw a difference in my body. I haven't done any formal exercise in quite a while but I'm seeing some bloat in my stomach go down. My clothes are fitting better around my tummy which is good. I'm sleeping better which is also nice. I think the best feeling since giving it up is not feeling (so) anxious.

This morning I woke up and despite a terrible night sleep (thanks, Ernie for waking me up every few hours) I did some push-ups, planks, and an ab series in my living room. I'm amazed at myself for actually being able to not drink coffee for 10 days. Surely, I thought I would've slipped by now! But I haven't, despite REALLY REALLY wanting coffee. Despite this urge, I keep telling myself it's better that I don't drink it. Maybe in a month, I'll see how it goes if I have some...

That's all I got. 10 days without and I'm proof it can be done!

another day in the breaking the addiction diaries

dear diary,

It's day five of no coffee. I have consumed more tea than I would like to admit and treated myself to a nice cold yerba mate! I immediately felt the difference after consuming it. I was slightly jittery but not like I would be if I downed a coffee. It's funny because I really should've given up caffeine all together but thank god my therapist realizes I need SOME.

I'm not anxious. I'm oddly calm and don't have spikes in blood sugar or mental cloudiness. It might be lack of coffee and as a result of omitting coffee, I'm omitting a lot of sugar and almond milk. Believe me, I love a cup of coffee. I think about it every day. I miss it; it might be more the act of it but I still miss it. It's going to take time to break the mental dependency too. It's hard because it's integrated into my routine. Maybe someday I can enjoy a cup but for now, it's tea and yerba mate!

Tomorrow is another day and I keep asking myself WHY did I give up coffee now?! I'm in a PhD program, my parents are visiting and I'm not drinking coffee?! What is wrong with me!? But I'm pressing on and counting myself lucky for not feeling super anxious all the time.

Thanks for reading another entry of my diary ;)

Day three of the breaking the addiction diaries

Today was day three of no coffee. It was harder than the weekend. I'm significantly more aware of my headache and an overall sense of tiredness. I'm feeling more irritable which I'm linking to the lack of coffee. That said, I did drink 4-5 cups of tea today. Nowhere near as much caffeine as before but generally felt like I was constantly drinking.

It's going to take awhile to break this addiction but I do feel the difference. My blood sugar isn't spiked and I'm really not anxious, just irritable :D I'm sure that will go away. There is a good chance I'm going to bed early tonight because I'm feeling that tired.

Outside of coffee detox, I hit my goal for steps three days in a row and am feeling generally pretty good about my eating. Now to integrate stretching and more strength training! My legs, hips, and back are bothering me so I will be seeing the chiropractor this week as well as making a massage appointment. It's really important to listen to your body and do what you can. I know I haven't been doing much of anything for two months but slow I will get back to my typical movements. Just need to listen to my body for now during this detox.

I think tonight I'm going to reward myself with a nice bath with some essential oils my close friend sent me. I think I deserve it :)

Night!

Day two of zero coffee

I've gone two days! 36 hours give or take with no coffee! I even went out to breakfast to a place that has the BEST almond milk lattes and I resisted! That said, I think it was decided I can have coffee every so often once I'm completely weened off of it. Here I am the evening of day two and I have a slight headache. Yesterday I didn't have any terrible headaches or anything but I did sleep until 11am this morning. I'm not sure if that's the amount of walking (in the sun) we did yesterday or if that was a result of the coffee withdrawal. I'm feeling pretty good right now.

It's amazing how coffee affects me. I get really shakey and my blood sugar spikes and I'm feeling semi alright. Next step: give up sugar. I think once I kick coffee, the whole 30 or 21 day sugar detox might be easier.

Stay tuned! Here's to day 3!

Day one of breaking the addicition

This morning I wanted to wake up and make a delicious cup of coffee. I was really looking forward to it, then I remembered, nope, no more coffee. So instead, I used my coffee pot to make the water for the tea. I'm on my second cup of green tea peppermint from Traditional Medicinals (a brand that I know for a fact is organic, without pesticides and gluten free). So far, so good. I'm excited to see how this change changes my body. 

Apparently there are reported benefits of drinking tea. I wouldn't drink just any tea though. There are teas with a lot of crap in them so choose wisely but here are the benefits:

Taken from : http://www.today.com/series/one-small-thing/top-10-health-benefits-drinking-tea-t81111

• Tea contains antioxidants.
• Tea has less caffeine than coffee.
• Tea may reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke.
• Tea may help with weight loss.
• Tea may help protect your bones.
• Tea may keep your smile bright.
• Tea may boost the immune system.
• Tea may help battle cancer.

Here's to day one! I'll be reporting back :)

Saying goodbye to coffee

Today I went to a new therapist. It was decided that she is going to make changes in my diet and she will start with my coffee intake. She decided this pretty damn fast. So I'm saying goodbye to coffee. I have been drinking coffee for over 10 years and this will be sad but she's convinced my anxiety will immediately decrease so here's go nothing. Goodbye, coffee. We've had a great relationship. I will start documenting this because this detox may be tough!

Starting tomorrow I will be drinking tea and only tea. Upon the end of my session, I went to the store to get caffeinated teas. If anyone out there has a favorite, please let me know because I found a few I'm going to try.

I'm hoping my anxiety will level out and I'll start to feel better generally. In addition to starting a new regimen in terms of my mornings, I'm going to start doing yoga and some other exercise routines outside of barre to start centering myself more.

It's the beginning of a new month so it's fitting I went to see my new therapist today so I can start the month out strong. Here's to the road back to health!

The magic of dry brushing!

                              

         This photo was taken March 26, 2016.

        

This photo was taken within the last 6 months before I started dry brushing or right when I started.

I really wish I had a before photo of my stretch marks but you can hardly see them here! I spend maybe five minutes before my shower and lotion up. But I'm not really, at this moment, doing anything else. As I've said, barre and eating habits are suffering but this is proof that dry brushing works!

* the only thing altered in these photos is the case of my phone which doubles for a wallet :D

Living with sadness

Social media has become a place for happiness, praise, babies, weddings, engagements, and politics. Social media is not for sadness, fights with our significant other's, true feelings, work talk, etc. Social media is meant to only show someone's happy life. Who wants to read about sad stuff? No one. But I feel that it's important to connect sadness to our daily lives because we all deal with it. It's hard because sadness can touch every corner of our lives. The purpose of this post is not for sympathy or "oh it'll be okay" it's so people know it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be vulnerable.

And with that, I will share...

For about two months, I have been super negative and not myself. I'm not finding much enjoyment in a lot of things that I lived for just a few months ago. I'm sure I know where it stems from but it's hard to overcome. Sadness is something we all battle, at one point or another but right now, I'm in it. Notice I do not say depressed. I'm not clinically diagnosed with depression and therefore, I will not say I'm depressed. I'm just in a funk. It happens to all of us but it's not depression unless you are assessed by someone trained like a psychiatrist or therapist.

One thing that has suffered greatly is my sleep quality which has impacted my ability to get up and feel good for barre, during the week or on the weekend. In two months, I've been to the barre four times. That's crappy for me but I take comfort in the fact that I will one day get back into the groove. Last night, I was convinced I'd get up and go today but when I woke up, I felt like I was holding a ton of bricks all over my body. *For those of you who don't know, I suffer from scoliosis and haven't had an adjustment since January--explains a lot* But my whole body hurt and was so stiff, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Another thing to suffer is my eating. I'm not really eating like I use to. I'm eating way too much gluten free bread and other things that I shouldn't be ingesting like candy and brownies (only once though, which is a HUGE deal considering they use to be my favorite food)... could be a part of the problem. So while my body isn't changing too much, the image of myself I have is starting to shift. I feel bigger than I am and more bloated than I actually am. So to supplement for barre, I've been walking, or at least, trying to walk. It's also hard when I was on call for two ROUGH weeks and never really got back into my groove after them.

It's hard to not let this sadness define you, especially when there are moments of happiness and laughter. It can be really difficult to go about life as if nothing is wrong so I throw myself into school, tv shows, and my cats to hide away.

I called a therapist this week so next week I'll get back into that too. I know I have a lot of unresolved feelings from a lot of events in my life and maybe they are catching up to me.

So that's where I've been. I've been dealing with these feelings. I will come out the other end of this thing and be a better me :) So don't worry! :)

Be gentle with yourself

Getting back to the barre has been tough. I had a rough February and was unable to find the time, energy, or motivation for going to the barre. I've been twice in March and it's been hard each time. I know it's because I'm not going very often. This morning was rough because of the time change. My body was unwilling to get up for my 6am class because my alarm went off at 5:15 but my body thought it was 4:15. HELL NO. I listened and just slept.  I'm glad I did because I really needed it. Thankfully we're on spring break this week so I'm hoping to get back into the barre at times I wouldn't normally be able to go. I've said it before and I'll say it again, active lifestyle is a commitment and it's a commitment I haven't been able to make in the area of barre.

I am getting movement in other ways which is nice but not shaking at the barre. For now, it's the best I can do. I will get back to my old barre self, eventually, but until then, I'm okay with what I can do. Going back to the barre after a month away is always tough but it reminds me of important lessons:

1. I don't have to be the best on day one.
2. I do what I can do and not let anyone make me do more.
3. My best is good enough.

As I go into my Monday, I'm going to remember my lessons and the saying below:

One hell of a month

Dear reader world,

It has been the most hectic month of my life. The funny thing is it's not all related to work. Work was hectic as well, but I was really sick, per usual, with a double ear infection and strep which knocked me out for a full ten days and to add insult to injury, I messed up my knee. Then to kick that off, I was on call twice. The second time really killed me. I dealt with a situation that required me to be awake from midnight from 5 am. And anyone who knows me, knows that I go to sleep early and value my sleep. This past incident really threw my whole body/sleep cycle out of whack. Last night was my first real night of good sleep, and I woke up naturally at 6:30. That's a start!

I know I preach about moving and being active and being in touch with your body, but sometimes it's just not possible. Listening to your body is the most important thing. There was one weekend, I didn't leave my couch and slept as much as I could to try and rid my body of the illness. Listening to our inner self is so important. If I had kept going and not called the doctor (thanks babe for the encouragement) I'd probably still be sick.

I've missed my friends at Barre and I know I'll be back, it's just a matter of when. It's really hard when you have a routine then the routine goes to sh*t because of illness. Getting back is going to take work. But, at least my eating hasn't really gone to hell, too.

Warning : this one is about periods

A few months back, I read a review from the Paleo Parents on natural menstruation products. It actually got me thinking about waste and how much time/energy/packaging tampons take up. So I sent it on to the gf and she read it and did a lot of research. She ended up buying the Lunette Cup, one product featured on Paleo Parents' blog. I was skeptical and afraid considering my endo and wanted to wait it out. So I let her try it a few months and I then ordered mine. My period came out of nowhere on over the weekend and my cup was not ready to go...silly me, I hadn't boiled it to get it clean yet and I was still hesitant to this process. But then, I took the plunge.

As someone living with endometriosis, I honestly was unsure how this cup would feel. Would I feel it? Would it aggravate me? Would it cause a flare up? I couldn't find research in the endo community around it so I wasn't so sure. But then I tried it. I have been using it for a day now and I'm very happy. My cramps are not even close to what they use to be but I do have a sore abdomen from the aches inside. I'm still on my pain regimen of Ibuprofen 3 times a day but this cup is amazing.

I had a lot of reservations about how to empty it, clean it, get in and out but it's not as hard as I thought it would be! I'm really into it and it's kind of cool to see the 'clots' as whole pieces and there isn't any cotton keeping everything inside. Tampon users, you know what I'm talking about! It's an amazing little silicon miracle worker!

The company boasts you can wear it 12 hours without changing it. Well, I wore it for 9+ and I needed to empty it so I think I have to purchase a bigger size or just empty it more regularly before bed. The company sells multiple colors, an amazing smelling cleanser --made from natural ingredients including essential oils, and cleansing cloths for when you're on the go.

I really like it and I'm really surprised I like it. I think it could be changing the way my period works for me. And how my body responds to my period. I think it's really cool, easy, and there is literally no waste (unless you use the cleansing cloths). I'd challenge anyone out there to give it a go. It's cheaper than tampons in the long run. It also has better reviews than the Diva Cup. The starter pack on amazon was $40 (cup and cleanser) and I would spend $40 on tampons, pads, etc for a month or two. This thing will pay for itself! It's really nice. I'd say give it a go! That's my review :) Happy day!

Update: Day four and my period has ended. The Lunette Cup for the WIN. I did have a rough morning yesterday with cramps but it was a different kind of cramp. And it wasn't because of anything other than me forgetting to take my pain meds. It was an easier period and the cup has really changed it. My period in the past few months has lasted closer to a week and I think on day four, it's over!

I'm so impressed. As someone living with endometriosis, I can't believe how much easier period was this time around. It's never been this easy. I'm a firm believer in this cup!

Living authentically

This is a powerful quote and something you should remember when you are journeying into any new endeavor but also when you are moving through the world. It's taken until three years ago for me to be able to be authentic. I really didn't know what that meant. I feel like at this point in my life, I'm living in my most authentic skin. As a result, I think people are more inclined to be my friend and to be themselves around me. Maybe this is why students come into my office and just gush....something to ponder!

How does this apply to my Paleo life, my active life, my scholar-practitioner life? Well, that's easy! I'm true to myself and the way my body needs nourishment and I refuse to follow a strict way of eating that limits me and doesn't allow me to enjoy the things I enjoy most. In terms of activity, I do what I want. I go to barre, I walk (I try to get at least 8000 steps during the work week and my goal is to increase on the weekends), I work out at the gym sometimes. I just do what feels good for me. I love that. I love that my way of life is for me and no one else.

Staying active

This weekend was very busy in terms of physical activity. We did a lot in terms of walking, barre, one of us did a crossfit workout while the other rode a stationary bike (that was me) and we walked to and from the house we are checking in on. It's been awesome to be moving so much. On the weekends, I rarely get to my goals on fitbit but this weekend I made them all! I made some conscious choices and got off my butt. I know people who make a point to move extra on the weekends but to me, weekends are made for "slothing." But not anymore. I need to make a conscious effort to be the best possible me I can be.

I find that if I spend time watching tv or just laying around, I don't want to do anything else. Because I'm in school now, my time is even more precious. I must make time for all things I want to do including being physically active. I know too many people who let that go while they are engaged in PhD work. There has to be balance so I can stay me.

For me, active life isn't about working out excessively, it's about moving around and making sure my body isn't stationary for too many days.

This body is the only one I have so why not take care of it? If I don't pay attention to the cravings for movement, food, water, leaning, etc, I'll fall apart. So everyday make a choice to take care of this one vessel you've been given. Try new things and surprise yourself!

Be Vulnerable

My new anthem is going to be "be vulnerable."

Something my week at NSO taught me was to allow myself not to be the expert; be a sponge, be vulnerable to everything, especially the process of starting school and today, I applied it to Barre.

I've been going to Barre for over a year and today humbled me. I was a wreck. I thought it was because I hadn't been in a week but it wasn't about that, it was new and challenging. Challenges change you. If I'm not vulnerable to challenges, I won't grow. That being said, I just slowed down, took it in and fell into the space of vulnerability. How special that I have found this place? How amazing that I am giving myself permission to be a primary school kid again (that's my mentor's favorite phrase). I do not have not have to know it all. I do not have to be the best in the room. This is a marathon NOT a sprint.

Apply that to eating.
Apply that to life.
Apply that to work.
Apply that to school.
Apply that to working out.

You will burn yourself out by starting with such force that you cannot sustain. How important is that lesson? It's not about how quickly you do things. This is something that has taken me A LONG time to understand. 

When we are vulnerable, we open ourselves to new experiences and challenges. There is no point in becoming comfortable because things will always change. I'm so happy to be internalizing my mentor's advice so early. It's going to make a world of difference in all aspects of my life not just my studies but my eating, my working out, my relationships.

Hero

It wasn't until college that I found folks to admire. I wasn't that kid who had a hero who was a celebrity. I really didn't find my place until I was at Clark. I didn't find people who truly believed in my until I was a junior at Clark. So to this day, I have few mentors and fewer folks I look to for advice and for guidance. In a lot of ways, my years at Clark and the countless times I sat on the Dean's chair across from her, looking at her photos and thinking what a wonderful dean she was, I was lucky. I saw in her something I wanted to be. It was from that experience that I knew I wanted to be a dean. Well, I've been on the road to Dean-ship since I graduated grad school but tomorrow I begin my latest strategic move toward that goal of becoming a dean of students. Tomorrow I begin my PhD program. I really did not know if I would make it to this point. Not many of you know my educational story so I think on the eve of my going back to school, I shall share:

Settle in with some coffee because this is a long one....

When I was 7 or 8, I was diagnosed with learning disabilities and held back in the second grade due to a catastrophic death of my grandfather and the divorce of my parents. I wasn't attending school the way I should so the kept me in the second grade. From the diagnosis I was put into special education classes. It was a space that allowed for me to take extra time on things but it was really torture. Those "classes" completely failed me. The teacher was awful. I still remember her. She had no desire to be there and had no desire to actually help us. I was acting out in class and my parents were being called a lot for various meetings.

Flash forward to high school: I had two teachers that actually gave me and my intelligence the time of day. One of those teachers started tutoring me and that helped because I could sense she cared. But other than her and her class, I was drowning in my lack of being able to focus on my work or my academics because I was also figuring my identity out and choir gave me a chance to focus and really be around people who "got me." I fell in love my junior year of high school with an amazing human who was a year younger. She was so smart. AP classes and here I am in special ed, being told I was dumb, not getting good grades at all but she loved me too. I started skipping classes and getting detentions, then I'd skip those and get In-School suspension but then I skipped that by telling the teacher I had an exam in choir--who believes a 17 year old??? I did stint in summer school as to not be held back again but then another catastrophe happened...not for this blog but to give you context, my girlfriend's mother discovered our love and I moved in with my dad. 

Moving in with my dad was the best decision I ever made. I made a conscious choice that I was worth more than what I allowed myself to be. Yes, I have disabilities but I figured out who I was and I was comfortable with that. I didn't see anyone at my new high school that looked like me but I found the most amazing group of friends (we are all still friends to this day). I was welcomed and loved despite my past. I was accepted into this group with no questions asked.

Luckily I think I was able to forego special ed classes which was awesome! I was just like everyone else! I started applying to college and was rejected by every school, except one but I wasn't in love. My family decided to send me to a community college...BEST DECISION EVER. For two years, I was able to focus on school and getting involved. I was so involved. I became the Student Government President and with the belief of some awesome people, including my new partner, I was applying to transfer! I was learning about various colleges and was doing so well, I thought, let's go for a reach school!

Clark was my top choice. I didn't care about my SAT scores--which were maybe 1000. My parents and I went to Clark and visited. I remember very clearly my parents being skeptical that I'd get in because of my past in education. The Director of Admissions didn't seem phased by my past and was certain that I would get in. Boy was he right! I applied to three schools: Northeastern, Clark and American University. I got into all three and Clark was number 1! So I went. I did well in classes. And that's how I met my mentor, the dean I mentioned earlier.

It was at Clark that I met the most supportive people. From faculty, to student affairs staff, to admission staff, all of whom I keep in touch with; I was cared for and felt like I had a place. I have friends from Clark that even after all these years we see each other. I made some of the best friends there. I found my voice at Clark and found a place to consider home. (I should be donating more money then.) 

I'm telling you all this because it's been in the past 10 years that I've become what I wanted. A supportive mentor for students. I have become someone that I would have admired. I reach every day for my goals to give students, who might be just like me (struggling, longing, wanting to be accepted and wanting to thrive) someone to look up to. So I became who I needed 10 years ago. I keep that goal in mind as I wake up each day.

And tomorrow, I embark on the next section of this dream. Become a dean like the ones I had at Clark who accepted and loved me and pushed me to dream big and not accept failure. They challenged me to change the world and I'm doing that, one day at a time. Tomorrow I become a doctoral student. I do it with all these memories and stories right inside my head. I carry all those people in my community in my heart as I enter this new stage in life. I'm nervous but I do it with everyone cheering me on. Another day closer to Dr. Verlezza. 

Cooking the perfect steak

I have perfected the perfect medium rare steak.

First, get the skillet or pan hot while the pan gets hot, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Take the steak and put it in the pan on medium-low heat. Cook without disturbing for 5 minutes then flip. After both sides have cooked, season--I'm using Primal Palate's meat and potato seasoning. Cook for another 5 minutes on each side in butter (or ghee). Then stick the steak in a pan in the oven for 15 minutes (flip in between). Let rest for another 5 minutes and voila! Perfect medium rare steak. 

Under the steak is organic jasmine rice from trader joe's. I did eat the ENTIRE plate of food and feel so good. Perfect meal in just one hour.

Enjoy!

It's the month of anniversaries!

January is my Paleo/gluten free anniversary and I'm celebrating THREE years this month! I'm so excited. Three years calls for another before and after photo! Also this month is my Barre-aversary! Last January, I decided to start Pure Barre. Mostly because my friend from college, Leslie, was OBSESSED with Bar Method and I felt like I needed something in addition to Pilates. I really was nervous trying Barre and in all honesty, hated my first class. I kept thinking "What in the hell did I get myself into?!" I was so sore and miserable, during the class and after. But I went back and found my groove and my people. I knew I'd regret thinking awful things about it but I allowed myself to be mad because it was awful for someone who thought they were fit. I was wrong. HAHA.

Here I am 180 classes later and a year committed to it! Another milestone. I'm amazed that I can stick to something. It's not really my M.O to stick to things--well it wasn't when I was a kid so the fact that I've been able to drastically change my life twice and maintain that shift has been incredible.

Barre has really changed my body. I'm including pictures because I feel like we all do best with photos

Timeline of Change

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This photo is from Dec 2013. I've posted it before but it's before I started Paleo and Gluten free lifestyle.

 

This morning. Three years of Paleo and gluten free and one year of barre.

I took this photo the morning I started Barre, January 2nd 2015. You can sort of see the difference.

After one year of Barre, I'd say my seat is lifted! Its rounder and higher than the January 2015 photo.



And because I promised a stretch mark photo. I have been dry brushing for over 2 weeks, every day. I was dry brushing only my stomach but I thought, "let's do the whole body!" so before I shower every day, I dry brush my whole body. My skin is softer and isn't as dry/flakey due to the cold weather. Also, like many folks, I have stretch marks around my thighs, chest and hips. So I figured I might as well try those areas, too! It's not terribly painful and I can stand it for a few minutes.

I looked in my albums on iphoto for a before stretch mark photo and can't find one because I was really embarrassed by them. I think a lot of my shame around my stretch marks has to do with how quickly I gained weight and how unhappy I was with my weight. As I said before, I use to have pink/purple marks all across my stomach. Now you can barely see them. I'm pleasantly surprised with this transformation. I'm really thankful I took this leap of faith. I use to obsess. I asked my chiropractor how to get rid of them and he said sun so I would lay in the sun in the backyard for like 30 minutes to tan my stomach to make them go away. That never worked well. I thought "okay, what else?" I figured lots of sit-ups. NOPE. Now I'm a believer. Dry brushing is the way to go. That combined with eating and exercise and wham! Invisible marks!

 

Thanks for taking the time to read today! Do something for you! I'm going to enjoy my day with some good people and prepare for my adventure into PhD land starting Monday.

Easy peasie frittata

This morning I was uninterested in standing over the stove to cook eggs, sausage and sweet potatoes. All the things I need post work-out. So I did a quick pinterest search and in a matter of 45 minutes, start to finish, I had this amazing egg frittata (or what I'm calling a frittata).  I cut up a whole sweet potato, one bunch of scallions(green onions), and 2 chicken apple sausage. I used 6 eggs and some almond milk. I seasoned it all with primalpalate 's Adobe seasoning. It was in the oven for 35 minutes at 350 and there you have it! Perfect breakfast on the go! It was so yummy. I ate it pretty fast. I cut it into 4 pieces and will eat it for breakfast the next few days. So for me the serving would be about 4, maybe 5. If you are feeding more people, just add more eggs and use a larger dish. This wasn't terribly hard and you can even prep the night before. Or cook the night before to be re-heated in the morning! It's really tasty and in my opinion the best alternative to standing in front of the stove for 30 minutes in the morning...yes, it takes sweet potatoes a long time to cook. The only downfall is I had to leave dishes in the sink which means I go home to more dishes than I'd like to do.

The purpose of life is to live a life full of purpose-Michael Franti

My co-worker (and friend) posted something on facebook yesterday about the author of "The Happiness Project" Gretchen Rubin suggests choosing a theme for your year rather than making new year resolutions. I really like this idea because as I've said in previous posts, I find people fail at their "resolutions" so much more quickly when they are such high stakes. Last year I suggested making goals over resolutions so the pressure wasn't there. This year, I'm suggesting looking at this idea and taking it to heart.

In her post, my co-worker asked what others would choose as their theme. I initially wrote simplicity or justice because those are the two that came to my mind most quickly. This morning I would say my theme for this year would be "Be Open." I want to remain open to new ideas, new challenges, new opportunities that come my way, new friends, new ways of seeing things. I believe it's important to stretch and challenge myself, especially as I follow my dream of going through a PhD program.

While reading the piece on theme over resolution, I stumbled across Rubin's suggestion of making commandments for yourself. I really really like this idea too. She suggests using phrases that stick with you. I haven't actually read any of this woman's work but after looking through it seems like her work focuses on creating your own happiness--which we all know I'm totally into! This is a philosophy many around me use, Michael Franti for instances. He has to be my number one role model. He's like a religion. ;)

For me, Paleo, gluten free, and moving have become a way for me to get through the muck of daily life. The commandments Rubin suggests writing seems like something right up my alley. So I went ahead and did it with a phrase Franti uses in one of his songs in mind (I embedded the youtube in the quote).

"The purpose of life is to live a life full of purpose"-Michael Franti


Victoria's Commandments

1: Be me, be real, be the best I can be
2. Serve the greater good by ensuring I embody justice and challenge injustice around me
3. Love with my whole heart
4. Forgive; those around me and myself
5. You are what you eat
6. Live each day fully and don't get caught in the bullshit
7. Challenge myself daily
8. Stretch both in physical body and in school
9. Enjoy the simple things
10. Breathe


One full day into 2016 and has been great! I started by walking a track and doing some stairs with friends from barre and my love. And there was a piggy back race! (We won!--I was EXCITED!) I'm glad that I started 2016 doing something I want to continue in the new year: community and health. In my first few years here, I really focused on having friendships with people whom I work and now I feel like I've branched out and I enjoy that! Health for me is a variety of things. In my new chapter of life, including my venture toward my dreams, working out and making time for myself is going to be key.

As this year continues I'm going to try and remember my theme of "be open" and challenge myself daily. I want to grow and stretch and become the best possible version of myself I can be. I owe it to myself and my communities to become even better with each passing day.

Hope you have a happy and healthy year.