The magic of dry brushing!

                              

         This photo was taken March 26, 2016.

        

This photo was taken within the last 6 months before I started dry brushing or right when I started.

I really wish I had a before photo of my stretch marks but you can hardly see them here! I spend maybe five minutes before my shower and lotion up. But I'm not really, at this moment, doing anything else. As I've said, barre and eating habits are suffering but this is proof that dry brushing works!

* the only thing altered in these photos is the case of my phone which doubles for a wallet :D

Living with sadness

Social media has become a place for happiness, praise, babies, weddings, engagements, and politics. Social media is not for sadness, fights with our significant other's, true feelings, work talk, etc. Social media is meant to only show someone's happy life. Who wants to read about sad stuff? No one. But I feel that it's important to connect sadness to our daily lives because we all deal with it. It's hard because sadness can touch every corner of our lives. The purpose of this post is not for sympathy or "oh it'll be okay" it's so people know it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be vulnerable.

And with that, I will share...

For about two months, I have been super negative and not myself. I'm not finding much enjoyment in a lot of things that I lived for just a few months ago. I'm sure I know where it stems from but it's hard to overcome. Sadness is something we all battle, at one point or another but right now, I'm in it. Notice I do not say depressed. I'm not clinically diagnosed with depression and therefore, I will not say I'm depressed. I'm just in a funk. It happens to all of us but it's not depression unless you are assessed by someone trained like a psychiatrist or therapist.

One thing that has suffered greatly is my sleep quality which has impacted my ability to get up and feel good for barre, during the week or on the weekend. In two months, I've been to the barre four times. That's crappy for me but I take comfort in the fact that I will one day get back into the groove. Last night, I was convinced I'd get up and go today but when I woke up, I felt like I was holding a ton of bricks all over my body. *For those of you who don't know, I suffer from scoliosis and haven't had an adjustment since January--explains a lot* But my whole body hurt and was so stiff, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Another thing to suffer is my eating. I'm not really eating like I use to. I'm eating way too much gluten free bread and other things that I shouldn't be ingesting like candy and brownies (only once though, which is a HUGE deal considering they use to be my favorite food)... could be a part of the problem. So while my body isn't changing too much, the image of myself I have is starting to shift. I feel bigger than I am and more bloated than I actually am. So to supplement for barre, I've been walking, or at least, trying to walk. It's also hard when I was on call for two ROUGH weeks and never really got back into my groove after them.

It's hard to not let this sadness define you, especially when there are moments of happiness and laughter. It can be really difficult to go about life as if nothing is wrong so I throw myself into school, tv shows, and my cats to hide away.

I called a therapist this week so next week I'll get back into that too. I know I have a lot of unresolved feelings from a lot of events in my life and maybe they are catching up to me.

So that's where I've been. I've been dealing with these feelings. I will come out the other end of this thing and be a better me :) So don't worry! :)

Be gentle with yourself

Getting back to the barre has been tough. I had a rough February and was unable to find the time, energy, or motivation for going to the barre. I've been twice in March and it's been hard each time. I know it's because I'm not going very often. This morning was rough because of the time change. My body was unwilling to get up for my 6am class because my alarm went off at 5:15 but my body thought it was 4:15. HELL NO. I listened and just slept.  I'm glad I did because I really needed it. Thankfully we're on spring break this week so I'm hoping to get back into the barre at times I wouldn't normally be able to go. I've said it before and I'll say it again, active lifestyle is a commitment and it's a commitment I haven't been able to make in the area of barre.

I am getting movement in other ways which is nice but not shaking at the barre. For now, it's the best I can do. I will get back to my old barre self, eventually, but until then, I'm okay with what I can do. Going back to the barre after a month away is always tough but it reminds me of important lessons:

1. I don't have to be the best on day one.
2. I do what I can do and not let anyone make me do more.
3. My best is good enough.

As I go into my Monday, I'm going to remember my lessons and the saying below:

One hell of a month

Dear reader world,

It has been the most hectic month of my life. The funny thing is it's not all related to work. Work was hectic as well, but I was really sick, per usual, with a double ear infection and strep which knocked me out for a full ten days and to add insult to injury, I messed up my knee. Then to kick that off, I was on call twice. The second time really killed me. I dealt with a situation that required me to be awake from midnight from 5 am. And anyone who knows me, knows that I go to sleep early and value my sleep. This past incident really threw my whole body/sleep cycle out of whack. Last night was my first real night of good sleep, and I woke up naturally at 6:30. That's a start!

I know I preach about moving and being active and being in touch with your body, but sometimes it's just not possible. Listening to your body is the most important thing. There was one weekend, I didn't leave my couch and slept as much as I could to try and rid my body of the illness. Listening to our inner self is so important. If I had kept going and not called the doctor (thanks babe for the encouragement) I'd probably still be sick.

I've missed my friends at Barre and I know I'll be back, it's just a matter of when. It's really hard when you have a routine then the routine goes to sh*t because of illness. Getting back is going to take work. But, at least my eating hasn't really gone to hell, too.