Dry brushing and stretch marks

A week into dry brushing! My skin is very smooth and my stretch marks are slowly disappearing. When they appeared I was in college. It was probably 2007 or 2008. They were dark purple and I counted them every day. I have about 15 on either side of my belly button.  I'm very self conscious of them. Even at my peak body weight and toned-ness, I'm not happy about showing them. I've tried to get rid of them for years. Tanning and using shea/coconut butter hasn't helped. Even loosing weight hasn't made them disappear! But since I've started dry brushing, they are starting to disappear! I'm so excited. In certain light/angels, I can see them but looking at my stomach head on, not so much! I'm beyond excited. This is the dry brush I bought. I really love it. I have sensitive skin, so I turn red almost immediately but besides that it's not a terrible experience. 

My stretch marks aren't something I've learned to embrace. I really can't see past them. Because I gained weight so quickly I only see them. In high school I was a petite 118 lbs. Toward the end of high school, my senior year to be exact, I went up to about 150 then in college I went to my highest 180. The weight gain definitely impacted my body and my self-image. It was very hard to accept myself. I think part of it had to do with the fact that I was miserable because I was dieting and not loosing weight. I was eating gluten, which at the time I did not know I has an intolerance to so my moods and sleep were impacted by my food intake. 

So much of my life was impacted by food and weight. Now at 30 years old, I'm eating in a way that helps my body, I've figured out various workouts that work, I've started to really take care of my physical and emotional body. Seeing a therapist a few times a year really helps. There's so much that goes into being the best version of yourself; it's exhausting and expensive. 

I've really started to accept my body the only thing I want to change is those pesky marks, which the dry brushing is really helping with! So I'm one step closer to complete acceptance of myself as a whole being. This journey has been a long one but I find myself lucky because there are people older than me who have never accepted themselves as is so I think I'm ahead of the game ;) 

I was having a conversation with someone at Barre about how my eyes get stuck on my problem areas if I let it. If I'm not careful, I can stare at my stomach and then I start to feel bad about my weight. It's actually pretty awful because I'm not super overweight but when I'm in all those positions, I'm constantly looking at my "problem" area. I've trained myself to look at my form and try to not focus on the rolls because even the thinnest person would have some sort of roll in those Barre positions. Thankfully, my mindset is working and I'm not thinking of giving up because of it.

It's all about outlook I guess. It's important to remember that it's not about the rolls but rather how I feel. It's about the fact that I haven't changed much but I'm starting to look more toned again. I love how I feel. I don't love how hungry I am but that's a good thing because that means my metabolism is working.

Body by butter

Today I experimented with Cassava flour. It honestly was the best idea I've ever had.  I've never had such delicious cinnamon rolls, well I did when I was eating gluten ;) These are the best gluten free cinnamon rolls I've had in 3 years. They were delicious! It took a while to get the dough right but in the end they were well worth it! I topped them with some melted butter, coconut sugar, Primal Palate's cinnamon sugar cookie spice (which I got for Christmas thanks to my sweetie!) and they were to die for. I'm very pleased! I smell like butter. My original plan was to make ham and biscuits and sweet potatoes. But the movie we went to was long so we threw away the plan and went to get Korean bbq! I really love that we do our own thing and make Christmas our own. 

Don't those cinnamon rolls look incredible?! It took 45 minutes start to finish!

Nourish your body, nourish your face

Hello again. I love that I've gotten back into writing. It's been a long time coming and since I'm making some changes, I figure I can start writing about them. So I'm three weeks into my new cleansing of my face and I couldn't be happier. It's been funny to see how I have yet to break out on my face. I've had a clear face for 3 weeks. But my back and my hairline are a completely different story. Yesterday, I went to the chiropractor and left so much oil on the paper they put down for your face and I laughed. I use to be self conscious of my oily face and now I'm singing it's praises. I'm quite pleased with my face. It's really looking good. I do wish there was a way to cleanse my whole body with FatFace. I'll keep researching.

On the topic of bodies, my dry/wet brush came over the weekend and I started using it. The brush is to help detox the body. I've read that it tightens skin, gets rid of stretch marks and helps in detox. I started with a little brush a few weeks ago, only on my stomach and have seen a noticeable difference in my stretch marks. Yesterday, I began a more routined dry brushing and I'm hoping my stretch marks will completely disappear. I do see a difference in the softness of my skin on my tummy. So in a week or so, I'll post a before and after photo with a review of the particular dry brush I purchased--Primal Palate has a review and was the one who gave me the idea to buy this particular brush.

In terms of food, the semester is over which means the dining hall is closed and I'm back to my own devices. This is not a bad thing per say because I have more say over what I eat and I see a huge difference when I'm not eating rice every day. But this weekend was vacation! We went to Vegas and I must say it's never easy to be super strict with my eating but this weekend was easier! We were prepared with snacks: hazelnut butter, gluten free chex, clementines, almond crackers and water! We ate some really great meals during our time. We went to this place I found a few years ago that serves gluten free pancakes, which I don't get very often so I indulged....two days in a row. I tend to do research on where I'll be so I make sure that I have some options. It's really hard to find gourmet food that's also gluten free. During my research before going to Vegas, I found a place that serves gluten free fried chicken, so we made a reservation and ate an amazing meal there! Our entire meal was gluten free: shrimp and grits, fried chicken and cauliflower, mashed potatoes! I ate so much. But it's rare to find good food that is mostly clean and doesn't make me feel sick. I even had a drink! We shared a bourbon lemonade drink and it was delicious! 

Now with the holidays approaching, I'm playing with different food ideas. I'm going to make some cinnamon rolls and biscuits from Cassava flour. I've read really good things about it so I went ahead and got some so I could try different treats. I think too much almond flour gives me a tummy ache and I'd like to try to eat like a non-allergic person during the holidays.

Other things on the menu are: ham, sweet potatoes, salad, and gluten free 3 ingredient peanut butter cookies. This is the one time of year I get peanut butter kiss cookies so I make them a little differently than most people but I love them. And holidays are the time to indulge. 

Speaking of indulging, yesterday a package came for me. It was "Shari's Berries" (a student sent me a thank you) and those berries were better than any edible arrangement I've ever had! They are priced reasonably and make a great gift. They tasted great! I highly recommend them!!!

I shall keep you posted on the stretch mark situation and the holiday food situation! :) 

Happy holidays!!!!!! Thanks for reading.

Centered

This morning at Barre was awesome. Lots of great things happened, including a kick-ass workout. I exchanged numbers with one of the instructors...which was AWESOME. She thinks I'm kidding but I'm so not. We got to talking about how we weren't the cool kids or the popular kids. Which got me thinking a lot about how before I started loving myself, I don't think I was very like-able. I always thought I was an acquired taste, not the nicest, stand offish, and honestly, rude. Why did I think this? Well, I was told I was this way frequently. I had friends. A handful. I was very good with that. I felt like I wasn't the best person and those who liked me, well, I was lucky! 

Then through the years, I got older, and actually started liking myself and things began to shit. Once I started to be nicer to myself, I was nicer to others and I just gained a larger circle. When I moved to California, I was married and didn't feel like I needed friends. I did go into social settings worried about my mouth--which I was told I ran off too much--and feeling very bruised. I was constantly worried about messing up and really making a fool of myself as I had always done previously. (I still worry about that to some extent but I've relaxed more in social settings.) Since the divorce, now two years ago, I've grown, a lot.

I've been able to accept myself and really love myself. I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy my hobbies and found this confidence that I think has translated to how I act in public.

Why do I tell you all this? Because I never thought I was like-able until today...or really the past 2-3 months. Joining Barre was the best decision for a number of reasons but really because I've gotten outta my shell and found common ground with people who see me. Who don't care about my degrees, my weight, my hair, my sexuality, my job. They just like me. WHO KNEW?! Certainly not me. 

I was blind for so many years. I thought I had to be this big, tough, hard-shelled person and once I accepted myself, I found out that I'm pretty great.

This morning I was given a cell phone number of someone I admire and she thinks I'm joking but I so am not! And a friend left a bottle of my favorite champagne on my car. I'm blown away. I'm myself and I guess myself is like-able. I think it's amazing that it's taken me 30 years to just be me and not apologize for it but also not change to fit other's expectations of me. Being who I am, nothing more, nothing less, is pretty rewarding.

I think part of my loving myself was being able to find a way of eating that worked for me. I'm not constantly tired or miserable. I'm able to enjoy life because my stomach isn't constantly upset. I really think my diet had a lot to do with my lack of being able to be nice or pleasant. Once I took control over my life (my health, my diet, my exercise, my marriage) everything started to fall into place!

Thanks for being my readers and most importantly, my friends.

barre'd twice this week!

After my two month(ish) absence from the barre, I've been able to go 4 times this month! (I was sick for a week.... WHINE) But I've been twice this week and the instructor rocks my socks. I love taking her class. I feel a genuine sense of friendship and care from her. I can tell this isn't just a job for her (not saying that any other instructors omit that feeling, I just feel like she has this aura about her). I really enjoy her presence. This week was especially awesome because we had the regular 6am crew! With the new addition of a work friend! She started coming at the beginning of Dec and it's been great having her there. I really love the community. I know I've said it before but the community that can be built in group workouts is amazing. I really enjoy the laughs we share and the silliness we can have even at the ungodly hour of 6am. I hate getting up so early but there really isn't a better way to start my day and I forgot that. Working out makes me enjoy my day more.

I was feeling really sad and alone last night and feeling really frustrated with some aspects of my life. I went to bed super early (8:45 to be exact) and got up around 4:45am. I was able to lay in bed and make coffee and drink a full glass of water before the coffee--which doesn't far well in Barre cause you gotta pee so bad in the middle of class but whatever! I got to the studio and felt a little better. My friend from work brought me an orange from her orange tree. It really made me feel loved and it made me start seriously thinking about my journal I want to keep tracking all the amazing things that happen each day because when I feel like I did last night, it would be helpful to remember that I'm not defined by one or two areas of my life. I left the class feeling much better and just really feeling that sense of community. We laughed so much and there's a sense of family. Mine is far and it's nice to know that there are people here who were once strangers turned a sort of support system and it makes it easy to get up that early :)

Skin is important--FatFace review

A number of years ago I got a facial at a place in my former home of Western MA. Since that facial, I've used Dermologica clay face wash. It's been years I tell you. I loved it. It really felt good. Then all of sudden a few months ago I started thinking about all the crap on my body in the shower...soap, shampoo, conditioner, and face wash. Before I was thinking about that, I thought about deodorant because every time I applied it, my arm pits burned. So about 6 months ago I changed my deodorant to Tom's natural. It was awesome. Once I started thinking about my entire body, I'd freak out a little on the inside and not tell anyone I was thinking about it. But I couldn't help but wonder what was happening inside my body due to what I was apply on the outside. So on "black friday" someone I follow on Instagram, put up a code for "fatface skin care" to get 20% off. I thought about it and read up on the line and thought, "what could it hurt to try something new?" Well I've never been happier! I love my new face oil...yup oil on my face despite being told my skin is "oily." My face has NEVER felt so clean as it does after I use the oil.

I will admit that it's weird because the ingredients of the products I purchased are actual real nourishing, pronounceable ingredients. I feel classist applying them and so privileged for nourishing my skin this way. That being said, this face regime is cheaper than the Dermologica stuff I was using and my face actually feels clean rather than heavy and clogged. I don't wear makeup so I don't worry about that but what's wonderful is I don't have to apply the oil every day. I've been sick all week--I do wonder if that has anything to do with my changing my skin regimen though it's probably not related--and haven't showered every day and haven't cleansed my face every day. And it's totally fine.

I really like the products. I use less of them and my face feels amazing. Next step, I might try the body butta. The price is a lot so I wonder how much I need to have skin that feels moisturized. The ingredients sound good so I imagine it'll smell nice.  Maybe next pay day...we'll see.

But if you are allergic to things or looking to try something with fewer chemicals, FatFace is the way to go!