I cannot believe March Madness, Pure Madness is almost over! I have 2 more classes and will complete my 20 in 31. I have learned a few things about myself:
1. I need rest days. Some folks in our studio haven't rested and are on like class 25 on day 29. I cannot do that right now. My body is sore and needs time to recover.
2. I'm stronger than I think, really. They weren't kidding every time they say "you're stronger than you think." I'm on class 5 in a row and I can hold my plank and not come out, I have increased weight, and I take the suggested challenges.
3. I have come so far at the age of 29 and I'm so happy to finally be able to move and work out in ways I wasn't/haven't before.
4. I can make a community with people I didn't know and they will cheer me on.
5. If I keep up this pace I could hit 100 by my birthday in June and that's my new goal! To hit 100 before my 30th birthday!
That is all.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Month 3 of Barre
Over a year ago when I joined Pilates, I finally found something that made my body tone, stretch, and move in ways I never thought possible. Growing up, I knew my body couldn't do what other's bodies could. I was in touch with my knees and my many aliments. I couldn't run fast, I could barely touch my toes, my joints swell at the sight of exercise or even heat. My body just isn't like others and I always knew that. I had weak knees and a weak back. I would get injured very easily after like a month of working out at the gym. I wasn't really loosing weight (which wasn't the goal but a nice bonus) but rather maintaining. Walking during the beginning of my Paleo Adventure was great but before that I wasn't really active.
At age 28 (Dec 2013), my therapist encouraged me to look into something I could really get into and love. As a result, I found Pilates and challenged myself physically in so many ways. Essentially, Pilates changed my life. Fast forward a year and a month later and I went ahead and researched new exercises to aid in my quest. Per my NYC friend's suggestion, I looked at Barre Method. The closest Barre Method was in Pasadena so I looked at Pure Barre, which has a location only 12 minutes from my apartment. I'm now in my third month. And my first challenge (20 in 31, I'm in day 10!)....which brings me to this post.
I'm pretty excited to share the photo below. I was so skeptical (see previous Barre related posts) that Barre was going work. I was convinced at first that I hated it. And I kinda did, because I sucked at it. But now, I really see results not just in my body but in my endurance. I can hold my planks for almost the entire 90 seconds (but if it's 6AM that 90 seconds is a LONG time). My physical body actually looks different. My "seat" is lifted and my body looks tighter. My arms are defined. I have more energy during the day and can do things I wasn't able to do before! Now, Pilates does all this too but my butt hasn't looked like the below pic, ever. No offense Pilates, you will always be my lifesaver :D
I will say my confidence to enter the Barre studio came from Pilates. If it wasn't for Pilates, Barre NEVER would've been an option. My knees have been strengthened for a year and have been challenged by Pilates and now I feel secure enough with them that I can do new things, like Barre.
I'm so happy that I went out on a limb to find something that can challenge me in different ways.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Specialist for my uterus (Some gross stuff mentioned)
So let's recap: I tried to work out yesterday and that didn't fly. I worked out tonight and as soon as we were done...bring on the cramps! I got home, and let go of some HUGE clots (sorry). well, I guess exercise is out?
Today I went to my new doctor (who I love). She told me a few things:
1. there is no cure for endo. Okay, okay, I knew this but was hoping there would be some sort of cure.
2. There are only a few people in the COUNTRY who could operate on where my endo is located.
3. It sounds like in addition to my bladder and ureter, I have patches on my BOWEL. So really no way to remove that.
4. "It's a shitty disease." Docs don't know much and it causes a lot of patients a lifetime of trouble.
5. We have a few options to manage it: a) pain management, b) hormones, c) full hysterectomy (she doesn't really want to do this because it doesn't mean the endo is gone and I'm only 30)
6. She was appalled at the course of treatment my old gyno took and said I was took young for such an invasive hormone therapy. Which has scared me so badly, I down right refused hormones again.
So our current plan is to try and cut the pain off at the start. When I start to feel symptoms of my period, I'm to take ibuprofen (500 mlg 3 times a day) and Norco (combination of acetaminophen and hydrocodone) as needed. We will do this for 3 months and see how it goes. After three months we will assess and see if we need to move to hormones. I'm tempted to try whole 30 again for 3 months before doing hormones. I am so afraid of hormones again and it's just so bad for the system. I would rather eat whole 30 for the rest of my life than deal with hormones.
Yup, we are that desperate. I can't even imagine taking pills every day that suppress my periods and to be frank, sometimes I'd rather just deal with this pain than think of putting those chemicals inside me. I'm so not into it. I have to say though, I trust this doctor. She was pretty amazing and I'm very impressed so far. So I might give her way a shot longer than I'd really care to admit.
I'm going to give the cutting it off before it begins for 3 months and go from there. No harm in trying right? For this moment, I'm going to enjoy my chocolate.
I do have to say I'm disappointed I can't go to Barre tomorrow because I'm afraid I'll upset my uterus. This challenge is important to me and I feel like I'm failing my team. I'll get over it I guess.....
Now onto relax and take care of my uterus. Until next time!
Today I went to my new doctor (who I love). She told me a few things:
1. there is no cure for endo. Okay, okay, I knew this but was hoping there would be some sort of cure.
2. There are only a few people in the COUNTRY who could operate on where my endo is located.
3. It sounds like in addition to my bladder and ureter, I have patches on my BOWEL. So really no way to remove that.
4. "It's a shitty disease." Docs don't know much and it causes a lot of patients a lifetime of trouble.
5. We have a few options to manage it: a) pain management, b) hormones, c) full hysterectomy (she doesn't really want to do this because it doesn't mean the endo is gone and I'm only 30)
6. She was appalled at the course of treatment my old gyno took and said I was took young for such an invasive hormone therapy. Which has scared me so badly, I down right refused hormones again.
So our current plan is to try and cut the pain off at the start. When I start to feel symptoms of my period, I'm to take ibuprofen (500 mlg 3 times a day) and Norco (combination of acetaminophen and hydrocodone) as needed. We will do this for 3 months and see how it goes. After three months we will assess and see if we need to move to hormones. I'm tempted to try whole 30 again for 3 months before doing hormones. I am so afraid of hormones again and it's just so bad for the system. I would rather eat whole 30 for the rest of my life than deal with hormones.
Yup, we are that desperate. I can't even imagine taking pills every day that suppress my periods and to be frank, sometimes I'd rather just deal with this pain than think of putting those chemicals inside me. I'm so not into it. I have to say though, I trust this doctor. She was pretty amazing and I'm very impressed so far. So I might give her way a shot longer than I'd really care to admit.
I'm going to give the cutting it off before it begins for 3 months and go from there. No harm in trying right? For this moment, I'm going to enjoy my chocolate.
I do have to say I'm disappointed I can't go to Barre tomorrow because I'm afraid I'll upset my uterus. This challenge is important to me and I feel like I'm failing my team. I'll get over it I guess.....
Now onto relax and take care of my uterus. Until next time!
Day 3 of doubled over pain, Vicodin, and no work
Yesterday, I was out of work, sleeping most of the day. Went into work to go help select next year's staff. I was on Vicodin but did it anyway. I was less foggy because I was at the end of the cycle. By the end of selection, it was time for more and bed. I promised myself I was going to go to Barre because of the challenge. So I got up this morning, feeling great. I got good sleep. Felt no cramps and got dressed and went to Barre. I got there and let my instructor (she's also the owner) know that I had my period and it was a bad situation. She was helpful with some stretches and even though I started out really strong (got multiple compliments from her!!!) by 8am (45 minutes in) I felt it. The sharp, intense, alive pain down my leg. I was pressing hard into my left leg and Ashley came over and showed me what I could do knowing that the current exercise was probably too hard. I tried it out. I felt hot and like I needed to take my tampon out. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face and took a minute to breathe. I decided I had to leave. Which sucks because I've never walked out. I told her and she said it's totally good. I got in the car and the pain got more intense. I have no idea how long it took for me to get home because I was not happy, in severe pain and begging to get home (by the way, I only had 15 miles of gas left). I got home and I went into the hot bath my amazing girlfriend had ready for me. At this point, I was crying and shaking. The pain was so intense I could barely see straight. This is always so hard because I wish my body would just give out so I could find some relief. I took my Vicodin, willingly, and got in my bath. I'm currently, at home, again (which drives me up a wall), on my couch, eating some Paleo goods (whole me clusters and live soda) because I'm hungry and don't feel like cooking.
I hate this with a passion. I'd much rather be at work than doped up on my couch. Because honestly, I don't remember why I started writing this post. It's kinda frustrating.
I hate this with a passion. I'd much rather be at work than doped up on my couch. Because honestly, I don't remember why I started writing this post. It's kinda frustrating.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Endo is the worst. Round 2
Last night I was at a concert and I was shown some photos of myself and I thought it was odd that my belly looked so bloated. This morning I got up and oh hey, my period decided to come for a visit.
This wouldn't be so bad if my day ended the way it started. Tonight we were suppose to go see the Pentatonix but my endo is FLARED and pissed. Currently, I'm on meds and can feel the cramps in my toes. And guess what? No concert for us. My stupid chronic illness, pain, or whatever you want to call it, has ruined another thing I wanted to do. Thank god I have my appointment on Wednesday with the specialist because this is getting ridiculous!
Stopping life for this is so hard. I hate it so much. I always feel like such a failure because I've disappointed someone, or myself, because it hinders activity. Pure Barre started their 20 in 31 challenge today and I pray this period doesn't last a week because A. the challenge and B. I'm going to be in Alabama with students...that would be an awkward trip. jk. It'd be fine but I'd be in pain and that's not fun, especially traveling.
What does it mean to have a flare up? Well if you look below, there's a picture. The "patches of endo" are just to show what it looks like. My patches are not where the diagram shows. Mine are on my ureter and urinary bladder. What that means for my level of pain is that the pain is intensified and I feel it down my left leg. It's so strong that sometimes I loose feeling in that leg. (Hence, my saying I could feel it in my toes.) The pain is so great that I often can barely move. While in the tub earlier, it was really hard to find a comfortable position because pressure feels good but it's hard when you're less than 5' and the tub is longer than you.
What are the next steps? Well, with my visit to my new doctor happening Wednesday, I'm hoping we can figure something out. Whether that be surgery to explore how things look in there or it's some kind of natural solution, something is better than my current state.
I have no idea if I'm going to be in extreme pain tomorrow and have no idea if this will impede my ability to go to work and that sucks. I have no way of knowing what's next and I have no gauge on when it will happen because it often times just sneaks up.
It's funny because I have all sorts of memories around my period and the mind blowing cramps. I remember the bathroom stalls at my middle school and having cramps so bad I passed out on the toilet. I remember being in the bathroom at my moms on the floor and passing out. I remember being in the car with my dad, stepmom, gram, and brother, looking at houses and feeling like I was going to die. I had to have my dad stop at a random 7-11 type to get me pads and I remember almost passing out in the bathroom. I've spent a lot of time on the ground due to my periods. My gastro and cardio docs said it's because my body can't handle the pain and it just shuts down to protect me. Can you imagine how great and intense that pain must be? I don't even know what to compare it to because like everything in my life, I thought this was normal. I don't even know what it feels like to not have cramps or not feel like I'm going to pass out. This has been 20 years in the making. What was normal? What is normal? Debilitating cramps, constipation or diarrhea, back pain and sometimes tunnel vision, leading to passing out; all normal for me. It's sad but true. My life pauses when it happens and I just have to wait for it to pass.
I'm not saying all this for anyone to feel sorry for me but to rather raise awareness seeing as it's Endo Awareness Month.
**Since starting this post (at like 7pm and it's now 9:42pm) the pain has subsided into a dull ache and at the same time sharp pains.
This wouldn't be so bad if my day ended the way it started. Tonight we were suppose to go see the Pentatonix but my endo is FLARED and pissed. Currently, I'm on meds and can feel the cramps in my toes. And guess what? No concert for us. My stupid chronic illness, pain, or whatever you want to call it, has ruined another thing I wanted to do. Thank god I have my appointment on Wednesday with the specialist because this is getting ridiculous!
Stopping life for this is so hard. I hate it so much. I always feel like such a failure because I've disappointed someone, or myself, because it hinders activity. Pure Barre started their 20 in 31 challenge today and I pray this period doesn't last a week because A. the challenge and B. I'm going to be in Alabama with students...that would be an awkward trip. jk. It'd be fine but I'd be in pain and that's not fun, especially traveling.
What does it mean to have a flare up? Well if you look below, there's a picture. The "patches of endo" are just to show what it looks like. My patches are not where the diagram shows. Mine are on my ureter and urinary bladder. What that means for my level of pain is that the pain is intensified and I feel it down my left leg. It's so strong that sometimes I loose feeling in that leg. (Hence, my saying I could feel it in my toes.) The pain is so great that I often can barely move. While in the tub earlier, it was really hard to find a comfortable position because pressure feels good but it's hard when you're less than 5' and the tub is longer than you.
What are the next steps? Well, with my visit to my new doctor happening Wednesday, I'm hoping we can figure something out. Whether that be surgery to explore how things look in there or it's some kind of natural solution, something is better than my current state.
I have no idea if I'm going to be in extreme pain tomorrow and have no idea if this will impede my ability to go to work and that sucks. I have no way of knowing what's next and I have no gauge on when it will happen because it often times just sneaks up.
It's funny because I have all sorts of memories around my period and the mind blowing cramps. I remember the bathroom stalls at my middle school and having cramps so bad I passed out on the toilet. I remember being in the bathroom at my moms on the floor and passing out. I remember being in the car with my dad, stepmom, gram, and brother, looking at houses and feeling like I was going to die. I had to have my dad stop at a random 7-11 type to get me pads and I remember almost passing out in the bathroom. I've spent a lot of time on the ground due to my periods. My gastro and cardio docs said it's because my body can't handle the pain and it just shuts down to protect me. Can you imagine how great and intense that pain must be? I don't even know what to compare it to because like everything in my life, I thought this was normal. I don't even know what it feels like to not have cramps or not feel like I'm going to pass out. This has been 20 years in the making. What was normal? What is normal? Debilitating cramps, constipation or diarrhea, back pain and sometimes tunnel vision, leading to passing out; all normal for me. It's sad but true. My life pauses when it happens and I just have to wait for it to pass.
I'm not saying all this for anyone to feel sorry for me but to rather raise awareness seeing as it's Endo Awareness Month.
**Since starting this post (at like 7pm and it's now 9:42pm) the pain has subsided into a dull ache and at the same time sharp pains.
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