One month of no barre

Here we are. One month post break from Barre. I haven't been back in a while. At this point, my back is in okay shape but it's more about the embarrassment of going back after so long. I get sweet texts and messages on Instagram but honestly, I'm nervous and embarrassed to go back. I know that I feel good when I go but I interrupt so much of the motivation as shaming that I'm afraid that I will be motivated by it despite my girlfriend saying "take it easy" "don't compete" "modify." It's too hard to remember I don't have to be the best in the class or beat the younger clients. I want to do it all so well but I really can't right now. I will literally have to start from the bottom again, which is fine but I had come so far that my back injury really set me back to the point where I don't want to be judged for not being as good as some. Yup, worried about judgement. I've always battled that. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at not letting that fear consume me but I am very worried about it now. I want to love myself as is but I also want to get back to where I was. Not just with Barre but with food.

We are going to do the 21 day sugar detox rather than the whole 30. Whole 30 is great but its so strict that I'd like to try something a little less rigid. My original plan was to do it between thanksgiving and christmas but I think post christmas might be best considering all the dinners and things we will have between thanksgiving and christmas.

I really need a reset. I'm coming up on my 3 year anniversary with Paleo in January and I'd really like to be strict Paleo again by then. I'm not right now, I'm SUPER lax and that's not so good for me. I guess I'm also embarrassed by that. I've really let things just go over the past year. I've allowed myself to not be strict Paleo and just let Barre fall by the wayside completely. I know when I start my PhD next semester these things are going to be important for me to focus on school work because I really want to do well in school. I'm so determined.

Post 30 in 35 challenge

Here I sit. Monday morning. Day off and usually I'd be on my way to Barre but I had to take today off. I did something in the past 2 weeks that really roughed my knees up. For those of you who know me, my knees have never been good and Barre was good for a long time because of pilates because my knees got stronger but right now, my knees are tweaked. 

I did something 2 weeks ago and felt a pull and things haven't been the same since. Saturday during "knee dancing" I couldn't stay in it, I felt a serious pull in my right knee, which Sunday my instructor helped me modify, which was awesome but yesterday during the day, I couldn't sit how I wanted to on the couch because my knee on the right inside hurt a lot.

I woke up this morning, wanting to go but attempting to give myself permission to not go. I wanted to get 21 in 31 days this month. We all know I can do it but I can't. My body is MESSED up from the last challenge. I think it was nice for our studio owner to suggest another challenge but when you have body issues like me, it isn't the best idea. I think my goal every month should be between 16-20 classes. I think doing more than that for my body is unrealistic because of the physical pain I'm in.

I know these all sound like excuses and I shouldn't be making excuses and I'm trying not to, I'm only trying to give myself permission for missing. Physical pain is serious and I only have one body so I need to rest.

Off to the chiropractor I go this week!

Class 30 of the 30 in 35 challenge

            2013

 9/12/15.               9/19/15               9/29/15

        9/12/15                                    9/29/15

The top photo is one I've shared a few times but it was December 2013. The bottom is September 2015. I was so embarrassed of the top photo for so long but now I'm so proud of how far I've come. It's very cool to see through pictures, which as I've said before, but for you folks, photos were something I avoided. I also have lingering issues with my stomach despite my hard work at the Barre for these past 29 days. 

It was a hard journey. I took 30 classes! This challenge has taught me that I can go everyday (almost) and I can get up early. It's better to go early, despite not always being at peak performance. Yesterday morning, for example, I was called on the on-call emergency phone at 4am. I knew I'd be getting up at 5:15am. The situation wasn't complete until 4:45am. I did get back into my bed, hoping the cats would come and snuggle. Then I thought, "if I don't go now, when am I going to go?" That's a real concern. I know I have to hit 30 but even if I didn't, it's important for me to take 60 minutes of movement, for myself. I'm putting myself and my body first. 

If I commit to working out, even if it's a low impact workout, which doesn't burn a TON of calories, I'm clearly getting results. It's giving me confidence that I don't think I otherwise had. Growing up the fat kid was not easy. Being teased for my weight was the worst. I'm finally at a place where I can see the work I'm doing is not only good for my body but good for my mind and soul. I'm working hard and challenging myself! I love it.

Up next: 21 in 30 days! Here goes nothing!

11 down, 19 to go

Today will be class 11 on day 12 of my newest barre challenge! My goal is 30 classes in 35 days. It's my goal to have 5 rest days, one of which is Sunday of last week. So far so good. I made it through the 11 days of INTENSE classes with one rest day. The only actual reason I took the rest day was because I had to work during the only two classes offered on Sunday. I got a massage on the rest day at the urging of one of my barre instructors because she said my obliques were so tight. I haven't actually built in another one yet and am going to try to make it to the 21st without stopping because that's when I scheduled another massage. If I can do that, it'll be class 20! I watch other women in the studio come every day in a row and I'm so jealous. So I'm going to try and kick it up a notch!

I must say I was very upset last weekend when I went to put on some jeans and they didn't fit. Then this past week I went to put on a skirt that was SUPER big on me a year ago and was semi tight. The funny thing is I haven't gained any weight but my muscles are starting to pop. My girlfriend swears I'm slimming down even more and look TINY in that skirt. The only logical thing I can think of is my butt....yes, my butt. It has grown. It's gotten more toned and that skirt, which I wore on my hips, can't fit there because my booty is in the way. Does that seem logical? I think so...



I originally was going to do whole 30 in addition to the barre challenge but I decided not to this go round and just focus on my 30 classes and not spend tons of money to do whole 30 when I can eat for free. I've also discovered whole milk yogurt! OMG. I haven't had yogurt in years and I found Noosa last week then Clover Organic Farms in Vons this week. I LOVE it. It's the best pre-barre snack.

Another challenge is coming!

Barre is having another challenge!!!! Starting September 1-October 5: 30 classes in 35 days. If it was 6 months ago, I'd probably scoff and say "yea right" but I'm not. I'm accepting this challenge despite September being a very busy time AND I'm on call for the last week of it. I got this. I just have to build in rest days and make sure to take lots of Epsom salt baths.

Part of me also wants to try and do whole 30 again. Now this might be a HUGE challenge considering September is mostly open houses around the Colleges filled with free food and the most delicious gluten free desserts. It's kind of the worst time to do such a challenge but it might be the best.

I certainly haven't gained weight but I am drinking coffee every day and ingesting kombucha with added sugar and all around not at all paying attending to my sugar intake....I write as I patiently wait for my FABULOUS gf so we make gluten free brownies....

So I'm contemplating this additionally challenge. It's a decision for sure to do it again in combination with the barre challenge but how cool could it be to do both? I've done it before which means I can most definitely do it again. And if I can knock 30 classes outta the park, I'm that much closer to 250!

I really enjoy the challenges because there is a community aspect. It's not just me, it's the studio and in term the whole PB empire. I like not feeling alone because there are others out there! It keeps me motivated by looking at the hashtags and knowing I'm doing this along with so many others.


So that's my ramblings for tonight. I'm looking forward to class tomorrow. Had a rockin' class today and am going to try and figure out a good schedule to get my 6 classes a week in!

Good night!

Long time since I've been here. So updates are in order!

I haven't written an entry since March! I cannot believe that! One of my instructors at the studio yesterday said she stumbled upon my blog and I can't believe people still look. It's been too long since I've said anything so here I am!

My last post was all about what I learned during the 20 in 31 challenge. I really wanted to hit my "100th class" by my 30th but I hit it yesterday. WOOOO HOOOO.

100 classes since January. Maybe this isn't a huge deal to some and the ebb and flow of my attendance wasn't so great, if I was able to continuously go, then yea, I would've hit it faster but I was battling some illness, enjoying vacation, enjoying travel for work, and enjoying rest time! Also, I can't believe I've stuck with something so long. I use to consider myself a quitter. That might be weird for some to hear but I've ALWAYS battled the inner monologue of being a quitter. Since I was young....I don't know where this comes from but I'm still working on not thinking that.

It's a cool feeling knowing I reached a goal that I've wanted to hit since January. I'm really glad I stuck with it because there were moments that I definitely wanted to quit but there's too many positives for me to quit. The community is awesome. The idea of women supporting women; sure, men attend, but most classes are full of people who identify as women (I think) and all the instructors identify as women, as far as I know. I love the community aspect. When I hit my 100 yesterday, I was cheered and applauded. It feels so good to have a community behind you even though the work outs are solitary. It was a cool feeling! Below is the picture I posted on facebook and instagram.

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Let's talk Endo...

I've had 5 periods on my new pain management plan. And let me tell you, 30 years old, 21 years of periods and I've NEVER had it this good. My doctor is amazing. I'm shocked no one thought of this before. It's so simple and easy. I take 800 mg of ibuprofen 3 times a day for the 5-7 days of my period and NO PAIN. I did accidentally forget to take it last week and woke up in the middle of the night due to pain but it wasn't so bad I was doubled over in pain but it cut into my sleep. I'm so glad too because Jan, Feb and March, I couldn't work out during my period and I haven't missed a beat these past few months because of my period. I am elated! 

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My Paleo Life....well, I can honestly say, I'm not as strict Paleo as I would like to be but I'm happy. I'm less concerned because I've gotten other aspects of my life under control: my digestion and all things associated with my gut; my health for the most part is good; my sleep is good (except when Ernie yells at 2:30am); my body is moving and shaking (literally from Barre); and my hair, nails, and skin are all awesome. I'm pretty happy with how I'm eating and drinking (yup sometimes I drink!). I do want to be "more" Paleo but I really enjoy feeling "normal" when I'm out. Last week we had a retreat for work and went to an Italian restaurant and I wanted pasta. A strict Paleo would not have gotten gluten free pasta but I wanted it so I got it. I don't regret it.

Let me tell you about the most amazing meal I have ever had. In honor of my birthday while we were in vacation, my sweetie found an authentic Italian restaurant in NYC in which ALL, yes ALL, items on the menu are gluten free: Senzia Gluten. It was the most AMAZING meal of my life. It was the first time since switching to gluten free that I haven't had to ask if things are gluten free. I was able to eat bread with olive oil. I was able to get dessert (my favorite-Tiramisu). I couldn't believe how amazing it was. I'd go back in a heartbeat. I was so impressed. If you want to check it out, I posted reviews/pictures on yelp! :)

I do have thoughts about how I'm not really living Paleo and I should call myself gluten free but I'm Paleo most of the time. And I've finally figured out what works for my body and that's all I care about! My health is good and my body is even better and that's all I care about!

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Okay, I'm done rambling for now! Thanks for reading!

20 in 31 coming to an end rapidly!

I cannot believe March Madness, Pure Madness is almost over! I have 2 more classes and will complete my 20 in 31. I have learned a few things about myself:

1. I need rest days. Some folks in our studio haven't rested and are on like class 25 on day 29. I cannot do that right now. My body is sore and needs time to recover.

2. I'm stronger than I think, really. They weren't kidding every time they say "you're stronger than you think." I'm on class 5 in a row and I can hold my plank and not come out, I have increased weight, and I take the suggested challenges.

3. I have come so far at the age of 29 and I'm so happy to finally be able to move and work out in ways I wasn't/haven't before.

4. I can make a community with people I didn't know and they will cheer me on.

5. If I keep up this pace I could hit 100 by my birthday in June and that's my new goal! To hit 100 before my 30th birthday!

That is all.