been a few weeks!

Morning readers!

It's been a few hectic weeks! Work has been very busy with after hours events, snacks from Trader Joe's, eating at my bosses house, dinners out with friends and my love, and some booze thrown in there.

I'm in the throws of my life and I keep thinking "oh tomorrow I'll eat better than today" and it seems that I'm totally doing my own version of Paleo, per usual, but it's becoming less and less Paleo and more and more gluten free because it's easier. Next week I leave for a conference and I'm starting to think ahead in terms of bringing food and I'm turning to my Paleo cookbooks.

I'll post up what I decide to make but I did buy "whole me clusters" to bring for a snack. I tried to purchase some whole 30 approved packs but for some reason the website didn't accept my card...odd. I think I'm going to go to whole foods this weekend or order from Steve's Paleo Goods. This whole travel thing to states that I don't actually know very well is a little concerning and I know my stomach and even if I break my routine for a few days, I'll have a terrible tummy. OMG COFFEE, how are we going to make that work?! UGH. In Alabama I'll deal but in New Orleans, I will search for coffee and almond milk haha. Thankfully the first trip is short.

OMG I go to Austin in April for PaleoFX and I am so beyond excited! It's going to be so much fun for me. My friend from NYC is also joining me so that'll be great and a much easier space for me to eat because Picnik is near by and Austin, for some reason, is a super Paleo friendly place!!!

So travel is my current dilemma and I'm trying to be proactive rather than suffer the bloat and tummy ache later.

Past few posts!

Greetings all,

My last two non-Paleo, exercising blogs got so much attention! Thanks :)

It seems you all are interested more in how eating effects my life and not so much my workouts. Which is totally good!!!

I've been super busy at work and today is my first day off in over a week. It's nice to think about because I'm thinking maybe just some workout and hang out are in order! Maybe I'll go look at an apartment...It's such an odd feeling knowing I do not have to go into the office or see anyone from work today. It's also nice to relax. A big part of Paleo is making sure you can eat and sleep and relax enough. I feel like I haven't been able to relax enough. I have been go go going since January 12th and I am excited about today's potential to relax!


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Food and travel
I have two up coming trips in March that I'm starting to worry about in terms of food....the first is to Alabama.....yup....so I need to pack FOOD. Yesterday, I was at a conference and brought a lunch bag full of goodies I could eat. It was rough because I knew the options would be Udi's gluten free bread and meat...not really what I wanted to eat. So I ate the meat off the sandwich and dug into my bag.

My trip in March is going to be 3 days, two of which are conference and 1 travel. I'm going to need FOOOOOOOOD. It's weird to think I have to plan for my food rather than worry about the clothes I'll bring but food is more important :D

The other trip in March is to New Orleans. That's another one where FOOD will be my top priority I think. I will be gone for a significant amount of time and will need to figure out how to get the food that makes me feel good rather than makes me feel crappy. Then if I happen to have my period for either of those two, I'm screwed. But I'll start planning to switch my diet up more the two weeks before my period.

I'm thinking of buying stuff online like RX bars, whole me cereal, jerky, Pete's Paleo goodies and other things that I can stuff into my bag and eat in an emergency. Fruit is always easy, as is veggies but I'm not sure what kind of protein will be accessible. NOLA is a little harder because everything is fried--from what I remember  and I only get a certain amount of money to eat :D So my emergency stash might be something I dig into more often than not.


Work out note:

I have Pilates later today and I'm excited because my trainer has started to do cool things with me and today she's taking pictures for their website which means I'll have some photos I can post here! I'm super excited to show you all my "intermediate" moves! She's been having me do more and more cool things that require different muscles and I'm so excited to have some evidence!


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Warning: This one is about my period

Dang. Being a woman who gets her period on the regular is rough. Why you may ask? Well, my period is compounded by endometriosis. Endo sucks pretty hardcore and I've been battling it for a long time. I got my first period at nine years old and the passing out due to pain began not long after. Fast forward ten years, my gyno decided to do exploratory surgery to figure out what the issue was and where it was coming from because my passing out was induced only by internal pain from my leg--docs thought this was strange. Fast forward a little more, it turns out my endo is implanted on my  ureter and urinary bladder. Fast forward ten more years, I'm 29 and I'm still dealing with the pain. This particular period has been AWFUL. I've missed two days of work, two workouts and have been stuck in my bed, heating pad glued to me and taking pain killers to dull the pain. This is not something I enjoy, for obvious reasons.

I have a few feelings. I think I could control the pain with diet. Maybe that's a feeble thought...caffeine, alcohol, and dairy make it worse. I don't do so well at giving up caffeine during this time but I try to stay away from dairy despite having some ice cream yesterday and Saturday.

My next move is to talk with my doctor about pain management and potentially acupuncture because there is NO way this lady is putting hormones of any kind, no matter how low the dosage, into my body. I think acupuncture and a change in my diet, again, might be the best solution until we figure out if surgery is another option.

It really sucks having something so internal and personal effect all areas of my life. I've had to cancel all meetings and just stay in my bed. I've done some research and it seems diet can control my symptoms. So now the question is, whole30 forever? My research has shown the change in diet, like whole30, will manage my pain. Now its going to take commitment. I will discuss with my doctor a diet change and acupuncture. Let's see where we end up.

Not sure the venue but this seems appropriate!

Warning this a really personal post: Probably the most vulnerable I've gotten in a while.

I went to Barre this morning (it was great) and on the way home, Michael Franti's "I'm Alive (Life Sounds Like)" came on and I sang the whole time. Then suddenly I got all choked up. Yes, I'm an emotional person and very sensitive but for some reason this song that I tend to jump up and down and rock the EFF out with, I was crying. I was thinking about my life right now. My amazing and complicated and busy life. How far I've come since this song came out.

It was released right during the time of my asking for a divorce and at the exact moment I felt at my lowest. I was so unhappy and I didn't know what to do. I was unhappy with my life, my friends, my negativity, my job, my family, my apartment..nothing felt right and nothing felt like it was mine. I didn't feel like an individual who was able to thrive and grow. I felt like I had started a new life as a pair that didn't fit. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I fell asleep at 8pm and couldn't get up until 9am. I was clearly on the verge of depression and digging myself into a hole. I, thankfully, sought out therapy and there figured out I needed to end my marriage and attempt the alone life and really be an independent twenty-something. I didn't know who I was at 27/28. I had never been Victoria. I was always someone's other and formed to make the "perfect match" even though it was never the perfect fit.  I had no hobbies and had no desire to be fit. Everything I was doing, by my own doing, was being a pair. In a lot of ways, I didn't let myself branch out because, well honestly, I don't know...I don't really know what was stopping me but when I started eating Paleo and when I started finding things I liked, it was almost too late to start and try to be my own person. I had made it so that we relied so heavily on each other then when I wanted a bit of freedom, trust wasn't there because I was never my own person prior to feeling and sleeping better.

Why is this information important, you might be wondering? Well the song itself, talks about being alive and living life to the fullest and just enjoying being alive....At the time of the release of this song, I wasn't living life and I wasn't doing all that I wanted. I felt held back and stifled and there's a line "every body wants me to be except you" well that was NOT my marriage. I was trying to be someone else. I couldn't extend my wings and fly without being brought back to center and smothered despite the other person thinking they weren't doing that. The closer they tried to hold me, the stronger my desire to run. This goes back to my point about not being independent prior to getting married. 

But again, how does this relate to Paleo? Well, starting Paleo and sticking to it lifted a HUGE fog on my brain and heart. Looking back, I was going through the motions of life. I wasn't living. I was staying at home and just being miserable. I refused to allow myself to experience things. I was almost afraid of experiencing the world because I was with someone who, in my opinion, almost expected me to NOT grow, in my job or personally, because I had been so dependent on her for everything. Eating Paleo should be credited for my clear thinking and my heart being clear. In so many ways, I could see the terrible choices I was making in my life by eating differently. I know it sounds weird but food has so much effect on your mind and body. The connection is unreal. I am so thankful to Paleo because I can see all things now. I've also grown up a lot in three years. 

After my marriage ended, I learned to just be. I learned to be myself and be with myself and find people who I can rely on for friendship and support. I learned to love the ways that I am and not apologize for being sensitive or emotional or overbearing or busy. I learned to let myself stretch at work and not worry about my home life but find a balance. I found hobbies and try new and exciting things all the time.

Thankfully, currently, I'm dating someone who is so supportive and doesn't stress if I have to work 6 nights a week. She knows that I have to work to support my students and in a lot of ways, work extra hours to advance in my career. There are some things I have to do and that can't be debated. 

I see this post as quite relevant to my Paleo Adventure because if it weren't for going Paleo and really getting into the "fit" lifestyle, I would have never seen my own unhappiness, never would've sought therapy and probably wouldn't have my current chosen family, my beautiful cats, gotten a promotion or meet my supportive, smart, funny, beautiful best friend and girlfriend. I would be stuck in the same rut I was for much of my life.

So, it all comes back to Michael Franti.  The song this morning brought a flood of feelings and a flood of thankfulness. I wasn't crying because I was sad, I was crying because I feel so thankful and so grateful for my life. I'm in the year of 30, I'm at a great activity level and have all the things I've ever wanted. Thanks be to Paleo! :D

Two years of Paleo!

Two years ago when I entered into this lifestyle, I was so unsure it was for me. I wasn't doing it for me. I was happy with my yo-yo dieting and my gluten filled foods that made me feel like crap. I always thought it was me not the food. I'm here today to say I've made it two years! Two years of eating the same way, more 80-20 than 100% strict Paleo and I'm good with that. I'm very good with how I look right now.

I had lunch with a friend today and we were talking about Paleo and I was telling her about my 80-20 and she said something that stuck with me. "Victoria, you have this down. It's not about being strict it's about being mindful and being intentional with the food. You know that." And it was nice to hear! I am more intentional with my food and have made good choices for my body.  I also have to say I'm not really a snacker anymore. I haven't found that I want snacks. Two years later, I'm not starving mid day but I am ALWAYS hungry between breakfast and lunch for some reason so on days I work out, I up my breakfast intake! It's all about patience and figuring out what works.

I feel I was constantly comparing myself to others. I think the transition to Paleo and starting Pilates in Dec 2013 and now Barre in 2015 has really helped me to focus on myself and stop looking so much at others and desiring their body or their fitness level. I am who I am and I like where I am and I will continue to grow as each year passes.

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In terms of working out and helping myself along in the clothing department:

I went a little wild last week and ordered a bunch of new workout clothes. I was working with 10 year old pants and things that just didn't fit right. Lots of my things were intended to hid my previous body. These new clothes are meant to sit closer and hold a little tighter. I'm very self-conscious still, even after 2 years of loosing weight and eating in a way that makes me feel good and maybe that's something that will always be around. I might always be self-conscious in certain clothes.

So what have two years of Paleo taught me? Dedication. Commitment. Responsibility to my body. The value of seeing something through (in relationship to Pilates and working out regularly). Mood, mind clarity and sleep quality is all dependent on the food we eat. Patience; nothing comes easy especially when it comes to my body.

Thanks for reading even though it's much of my rambling.

here's some inspiration:

I have to remind myself everyday I can do what I set my mind to.

This is what I aspire to; fit not skinny! Strong is the new skinny, right?!

Find what works for you.

It's Sunday morning; finally! I've been working since Tuesday and am not done quite yet. But during my days at work, I have stepped outside my Paleo lifestyle to indulge in some treats. I've had the best root beer ever and the GREATEST sweet potato pie (g-free)!!!! During my (almost) two years as a Paleo-lifestyler, it's very easy to loose sight as to why we started in the first place. As many of you know, I started because my ex wanted to loose weight and I was along for the ride. Little did I know it would have some (positive) side effects on me and my weight, mood, brain, and function of my body. When I was in college, I had no idea the (negative) effects so many foods were having on my body, my brain function, my weight... Now I feel the best I've ever felt.  I move more than ever before. Even when I was seeing a personal trainer when I was at the peak of my over-weightness, I wasn't really moving. Flash forward 8 years and I move so much, thanks to Paleo because it propelled me into Pilates. Something else I've learned and I think I've written about is being flexible with yourself. It's so hard to be super strict all the time. Indulge when you want and don't beat yourself up over it! Similar to the "new year, new you" stuff...it doesn't have to be like that. You don't need to be new! You just need to be YOU! And that means be and eat how fits you.

Eating, exercise, movement, mindset is not a one size fits all. We are all different and we all need to feed our bodies in the ways that make sense for us. I think the below picture is a great example of what can be a one size fits all. Define eat right, fitness, and exercise for yourself. Don't let the world define those things for you. Only you know what's best for you.

I try to embody the above characteristics because in a lot of ways, I'm a role model. I'm looked at by watching eyes, always. I'm constantly trying to "love myself" and the whole motto of "new year, new you" goes against that. I'm great just the way I am but I'm just trying to improve in areas I think need some improvement. 

Take away points: simply find what works for you. Get into a space in your own mind that you are comfortable with your choices and go from there. Try to not let society define your self-image or impact where you are in your life. If I was going by society, I'd be married with kids, over-weight (because of the food society wants me to eat as a woman) and completely unhappy. Rather I'm LOVING life because I found a formula that works for me.

you are stronger than you think you

I started going to barre two weeks ago and I wasn’t weak but I wasn’t prepared for that workout. I wasn’t ready for the outside my comfort zone despite my thinking I was and really wanting a challenge. This has been a challenge. I’m shocked at how strong Pilates made me and then how much stronger I’ve gotten by adding barre. I have stunned myself in class; no longer needing to slap my outter hip/glute, can stay “in it” longer, and I can hold a plank longer. I’m so thankful I’ve been doing Pilates for over a year because if I hadn’t done that, I would not last in barre. I’m so happy I did take this challenge and am feeling like I am actually stronger than I think I am.