Holy cow. One week left (tomorrow)!!!!! I can't believe how fast the time has gone! It's amazing :D. Kind of exciting. Right?! It took about 3 weeks to get over some of my mental stuff but we're here. I'm passed the "I want this" stage. I'm in the "eh, I can do without it." Yes, making brownies or something would be great but I think this time has shifted my thinking about food. Though I won't lie to you, I really would like to eat a pastry and drink coffee for the sheer "coolness" of it. Not because I need it to live. Just because it's something different for me....different than eggs. I'm semi-sick of eggs. Yesterday was an egg breakfast which is fine and that kept me going most of the day!! I had Korean BBQ for dinner, so yummy and filling.
It's interesting how a workout mid-day will change my eating for the rest of the day. I worked out, kinda hard around 3:30pm (until 4:30pm) and ended up not eating dinner until 9pm (there was a super long wait at the restaurant) but had plantain chips with almond butter around 5pm. I find if I snack after my workout, I don't need dinner right away. It's kinda nice!
Last night, I went out of the house in leggings as pants. They were my new splits59. Full disclosure, they are semi-see through, which made me self-conscious but I was able to buy a long shirt last night that will cover my booty.
Today is low-key, making homemade almond milk (!!!!) and chicken wings and starting to read one of the books I recently purchased. I've also gotten more serious about my workouts. I'm in the lifting stage. I'm making more of a conscious effort to lift before cardio and then do some cardio. Gotta get stronger! It's my goal to be a lean, mean, picking things up machine (haha).
So 21 days. It's amazing how the time has flown. It's been hard but I think it's easier and when this whole thing is over, I'm going to keep up my activity level and try to keep my sweets intake to once a week rather than every day. Also if this almond milk thing goes well, I'm going to make it more often. It's not that hard. I've watched a few youtube videos about how to do it but the most recent one suggests adding a pitted date for added sweetness. I am going to try it! I'm excited because the coconut cream I've been adding to my cold brew isn't as sweet as I'd like but it's tasty.
Recipe and instructions to come later today!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Some things whole30 have brought up for me...
I've gone a long time without telling the whole story behind my weight, my obsession with food, and my disordered body image and disordered eating. But tonight, I'm feeling compelled to explain...all of it....
I was always an overweight person. I was made fun of constantly in elementary school and middle school. I was short and fat. I wasn't getting proper nutritional information and wasn't taught about how to eat. Honestly, going through as much as I did as a child (a divorce, a major death, tons of moving, etc) I always turned to food for comfort and used it as a reward. In high school, I battled an eating disorder. Though I was never diagnosed. As a teen, I was starving myself. Then I flipped and started binge eating. The switch happened because I was on a massive amounts of hormones for reproductive issues. It was then that I started hiding food in my room. I would eat secretly. I would barely eat in front of parents and if I did, it was small portions and then would go back for more later when they weren't looking. I would conceal whatever food I was consuming by moving leftovers around or ice cream. I counted what was in the package and make sure my consumption wouldn't be noticed. It was a big issue. I was constantly talking about my weight. At 19 and 20 years old, I had a personal trainer, a nutritionist, and doctors looking into my thyroid and other potential reasons I was gaining weight.
In high school, I weighed 118 and ballooned to 160 by my first year in college. Everyone was concerned. My first year at Clark I noticed purple stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and arms. I was uncomfortable all the time. I couldn't look at myself. This was when I started dieting and my self esteem tanked. I began Weight Watchers and became obsessed with what went into my mouth. I never lost any weight and in fact, was getting heavier. By my junior year at Clark, I weighed 180 and was so miserable with my body, I started Slim Fast. This was the most effective diet for me. I started to loose weight and fast! I was so excited. However, like most quick fixes, I gained it all back in grad school.
Once again, I was miserable. I went off all of the hormones and thankfully dropped some weight. I went back on Weight Watchers and tried to loose weight. I couldn't break 150 at this point and just felt like nothing was happening.
Finally, last year, I started Paleo. For the first time in my life, I stopped obsessing about my calories! It was so liberating. I was (and am) very concerned about my body and how others see it. I'm constantly worried about what people see, where fat is hanging over, how shirts fit around my stomach, how my bras fit around my chest so not to see bulge of skin, etc.
Doing whole30 has brought up a lot of issues for me. I find restricting foods is making me obsess with my body image, my food intake, and my exercise. It's making me worry about results and oddly enough, it's making me desire foods I've never craved. I have thought about stopping but instead, I'm going to continue and hopefully be able to move past the mentality around it and the move past some of the issues that have come up. I'm full and nourished but I obsess about the "can't haves" rather than the good, real food, I am eating and well!
I truly believe this is why I've had so much success with Paleo. It does not, ever, make me feel like I can't have something. There are so many rules associated with whole30 I become fixated. I've been doing really well at leaning on the folks doing it with me and just focusing on the health benefits; the increased energy levels, the lack of bloat, sleeping better, etc. But I did want to put my issues out there for the world to see because I know there are others like me. I just want people to know that they aren't alone. Disordered eating and body image are real. They effect lots of people.
In the past year, my confidence has increased leaps and bounds and I am so thankful I have found a lifestyle that has given me the confidence to look in the mirror and see what really exists. I can finally see a person, not rolls of skin (which is what I saw for a long, long time). I can, for the most part, sit without covering my stomach. I finally have confidence to just be me and try new styles of dress.
Paleo has given me freedom and liberated me from dieting/counting calories/obsessing. I'm not complaining about doing whole30, I'm just saying, it's definitely brought up some things I didn't think would come up. I'm learning a great deal about myself and am learning what works for me and what doesn't.
Thanks for reading :)
I was always an overweight person. I was made fun of constantly in elementary school and middle school. I was short and fat. I wasn't getting proper nutritional information and wasn't taught about how to eat. Honestly, going through as much as I did as a child (a divorce, a major death, tons of moving, etc) I always turned to food for comfort and used it as a reward. In high school, I battled an eating disorder. Though I was never diagnosed. As a teen, I was starving myself. Then I flipped and started binge eating. The switch happened because I was on a massive amounts of hormones for reproductive issues. It was then that I started hiding food in my room. I would eat secretly. I would barely eat in front of parents and if I did, it was small portions and then would go back for more later when they weren't looking. I would conceal whatever food I was consuming by moving leftovers around or ice cream. I counted what was in the package and make sure my consumption wouldn't be noticed. It was a big issue. I was constantly talking about my weight. At 19 and 20 years old, I had a personal trainer, a nutritionist, and doctors looking into my thyroid and other potential reasons I was gaining weight.
In high school, I weighed 118 and ballooned to 160 by my first year in college. Everyone was concerned. My first year at Clark I noticed purple stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and arms. I was uncomfortable all the time. I couldn't look at myself. This was when I started dieting and my self esteem tanked. I began Weight Watchers and became obsessed with what went into my mouth. I never lost any weight and in fact, was getting heavier. By my junior year at Clark, I weighed 180 and was so miserable with my body, I started Slim Fast. This was the most effective diet for me. I started to loose weight and fast! I was so excited. However, like most quick fixes, I gained it all back in grad school.
Once again, I was miserable. I went off all of the hormones and thankfully dropped some weight. I went back on Weight Watchers and tried to loose weight. I couldn't break 150 at this point and just felt like nothing was happening.
Finally, last year, I started Paleo. For the first time in my life, I stopped obsessing about my calories! It was so liberating. I was (and am) very concerned about my body and how others see it. I'm constantly worried about what people see, where fat is hanging over, how shirts fit around my stomach, how my bras fit around my chest so not to see bulge of skin, etc.
Doing whole30 has brought up a lot of issues for me. I find restricting foods is making me obsess with my body image, my food intake, and my exercise. It's making me worry about results and oddly enough, it's making me desire foods I've never craved. I have thought about stopping but instead, I'm going to continue and hopefully be able to move past the mentality around it and the move past some of the issues that have come up. I'm full and nourished but I obsess about the "can't haves" rather than the good, real food, I am eating and well!
I truly believe this is why I've had so much success with Paleo. It does not, ever, make me feel like I can't have something. There are so many rules associated with whole30 I become fixated. I've been doing really well at leaning on the folks doing it with me and just focusing on the health benefits; the increased energy levels, the lack of bloat, sleeping better, etc. But I did want to put my issues out there for the world to see because I know there are others like me. I just want people to know that they aren't alone. Disordered eating and body image are real. They effect lots of people.
In the past year, my confidence has increased leaps and bounds and I am so thankful I have found a lifestyle that has given me the confidence to look in the mirror and see what really exists. I can finally see a person, not rolls of skin (which is what I saw for a long, long time). I can, for the most part, sit without covering my stomach. I finally have confidence to just be me and try new styles of dress.
Paleo has given me freedom and liberated me from dieting/counting calories/obsessing. I'm not complaining about doing whole30, I'm just saying, it's definitely brought up some things I didn't think would come up. I'm learning a great deal about myself and am learning what works for me and what doesn't.
Thanks for reading :)
Day 16 of the whole 30
In the downward spiral now for this whole30 business. I'm not sure if I see results and today my reward came, my new bra, tights and exercise pants. The tights and bra are awesome but the pants are headed back to the store because they don't fit right. So I started thinking "the true test is my size 8 jeans." I grabbed them off the shelf and put them on. I cannot believe how much hang over is not present!!!! I'm so excited. They aren't stuffing me into the jeans thus making me look heavier. I am so excited. If this is the only visible outcome, I'm happy. I don't feel like I have to hide my stomach when wearing them either.
Whole30 for the win? We have 16 days to see......maybe whole 30 round two next month? Maybe I'll take a few days/week off and go back to it.....We will see!
Whole30 for the win? We have 16 days to see......maybe whole 30 round two next month? Maybe I'll take a few days/week off and go back to it.....We will see!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Day 15: new rewards and motivation
Today's whole30 email was all about being halfway there!!! One of the thjngs they recommend is rewarding yourself for being halfway there. I did that!!! Last night, actually. I went ahead and bought some really nice exercise pants (from splits59--a company some of the Paleo folks I follow LOVE). I'm really excited about them because they look like they are going to be amazing. Soft, hug me in the rigt spots and not to mention lightweight. A lot of my exercise clothes are close to 10 years old. Which I believe is strange. I also bought a bright yellow sports bra for a different look under a black tank top. I also went ahead and rewarded myself with some cheap books off of amazon. I find all my tv shows are ending so reading will be a much better use of my time.
Rewarding myself with something other than food is a huge thing for me. I have always rewarded myself with food. For as long as I can remember. With whole30, I am much more intentional with my food and my intake. Being more intentional and mindful about rewards is changing another mentality for me. I can take money and spend it on something I'll have for more than a few minutes, something that will expand my mind, and maybe make my butt look better! ;) (the two are not related obviously!)
So motivational Monday today means for me reward yourself with something you've wanted or had your eye on. It's funny because today's whole30 email was almost the same conversation I had with my friend yesterday who encouraged me to buy the damn pants.
Most of you don't know this but I supported my ex for a year. Yes, it was a decision we made together but it became obvious to me recently, I have NEVER been in charge of my money for me. I have never had my own money. Since making a decent pay check, I've never seen it for more than a few minutes. But now, I get to reward myself and try to not feel guilty. And now I can reward myself with something other than food. As soon as the new exercise clothes come, I'll be sure to share a review!
Thanks for listening to my rambling!
Enjoy your day!
Get it day 15!!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Whole 30, day 14
Things are going well. Though I must say....having your period and doing whole 30 is ROUGH. I'm craving chocolate, brownies, cookies, ice cream, hot chocolate, chips, crackers.... the list goes on. So instead, I made some delicious CRISPY wings friday night and bought "roasted plantain chips" from trader joes. OH and because I'm on my period, I bought gluten free joe-joes (like oreos) from TJs for after the whole 30 (I knew they would most likely be out of stock when I'm done with this so I thought I'd get them now). Yesterday morning, I wanted something different than eggs and steak or sausage or whatever. I took it upon myself to make a version of a potato pancake (which growing up in a part Jewish home, these are something I miss a great deal). I made them with zucchini and coconut oil. I will say, they were bomb. Light, fluffy, filling, delicious on their own!
So before I move on to how I ate out at restaurants yesterday, let me tell you how to make the crispy wings.
preheat the oven to 450 degrees.
put a wire rack over the cookie sheet.
place the wings on the rack, spread them out.
season with salt and pepper to taste.
stick them in the oven for 30 minutes.
after 30 minutes, take them out, flip them, then season to taste again.
once the second round of 30 minutes is done, take out of the oven, remove from rack.
place in a heat proof (pyrex) bowl, drench in Tessemae's "Southwestern ranch" dressing/marinade.
THEY WERE BOMB! you must make them, TODAY!
As for the zucchini fritters, I just googled a recipe and you can find them very easily.
Okay so yesterday was a day spent in LA. Two meals out of the house. First was Pho! I know, I know, you must be wondering "how on earth is that whole 30 compliant?! " Well when I ordered I asked the kind server to give me no noodles and extra chicken. PERFECT. I ate it allllll and then some.
For dinner, I couldn't resist Korean BBQ, as I was super close to my favorite place (Manna Korean BBQ in Little Tokyo). This one is easy. It's meat, period. I didn't eat the rice paper, go me! I did however eat a ton of the bulgogi (thin sliced meat) with turnip paper, which is EFFIN BOMB! I also had tea and seaweed soup. All in all, it was a food good day. :)
It's getting easier to eat out. It's not a huge difference from my everyday but now I've totally eliminated white potatoes which is a big deal for me. I like fries, mashed potatoes, and other yummy white potato things but I don't miss it. I actually am not even sure I miss sweets (chocolate etc.) I think I just want the option to enjoy them.
At this point, I have no idea if whole 30 is working except I look different when I look in the mirror. The reason I have no idea is if it's "working" is because I stopped weighing myself in December. I put the scale away and haven't taken it out. It's seriously not a measure so I'm just looking at my clothes and my waist but also my activity level. I don't get winded walking up stairs, I don't get tired as much in Pilates. I can do more activities at the gym and not feel like I'm going to faint. All new things for me. My Pilates instructor is super sick, so I think I'm going to attempt a class this week at the studio and one at the gym (AH). Wish me luck!
Okay friends, thanks for reading!
So before I move on to how I ate out at restaurants yesterday, let me tell you how to make the crispy wings.
preheat the oven to 450 degrees.
put a wire rack over the cookie sheet.
place the wings on the rack, spread them out.
season with salt and pepper to taste.
stick them in the oven for 30 minutes.
after 30 minutes, take them out, flip them, then season to taste again.
once the second round of 30 minutes is done, take out of the oven, remove from rack.
place in a heat proof (pyrex) bowl, drench in Tessemae's "Southwestern ranch" dressing/marinade.
THEY WERE BOMB! you must make them, TODAY!
As for the zucchini fritters, I just googled a recipe and you can find them very easily.
Okay so yesterday was a day spent in LA. Two meals out of the house. First was Pho! I know, I know, you must be wondering "how on earth is that whole 30 compliant?! " Well when I ordered I asked the kind server to give me no noodles and extra chicken. PERFECT. I ate it allllll and then some.
For dinner, I couldn't resist Korean BBQ, as I was super close to my favorite place (Manna Korean BBQ in Little Tokyo). This one is easy. It's meat, period. I didn't eat the rice paper, go me! I did however eat a ton of the bulgogi (thin sliced meat) with turnip paper, which is EFFIN BOMB! I also had tea and seaweed soup. All in all, it was a food good day. :)
It's getting easier to eat out. It's not a huge difference from my everyday but now I've totally eliminated white potatoes which is a big deal for me. I like fries, mashed potatoes, and other yummy white potato things but I don't miss it. I actually am not even sure I miss sweets (chocolate etc.) I think I just want the option to enjoy them.
At this point, I have no idea if whole 30 is working except I look different when I look in the mirror. The reason I have no idea is if it's "working" is because I stopped weighing myself in December. I put the scale away and haven't taken it out. It's seriously not a measure so I'm just looking at my clothes and my waist but also my activity level. I don't get winded walking up stairs, I don't get tired as much in Pilates. I can do more activities at the gym and not feel like I'm going to faint. All new things for me. My Pilates instructor is super sick, so I think I'm going to attempt a class this week at the studio and one at the gym (AH). Wish me luck!
Okay friends, thanks for reading!
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Whole 30, day 10
I cannot believe 10 days has passed. I'm still doing whole 30 and for sure yesterday, felt like I had bloated up significantly and just felt gross. Come to find out, it's almost that time of the month.
The other interesting thing that's happening is I'm definitely loosing fat. I'm starting to see a huge difference in my stomach and back. More specifically, the "back fat" that I've always had around my waist...DO you know what I'm talking about?
The biggest thing about whole 30 for me has been the goal setting. I think it really has kept me on track with my workouts and maintaining my activity level. I went from pilates twice a week, to the gym mixed in there but just cardio and now I'm lifting weights again, doing cardio and pilates twice a week. So I would call that a win!!! I'm so happy I am able to have energy to workout and work and have a life. Paleo changed my life over a year ago and now the whole 30 is restarting and resetting paleo for me.
The other interesting thing that's happening is I'm definitely loosing fat. I'm starting to see a huge difference in my stomach and back. More specifically, the "back fat" that I've always had around my waist...DO you know what I'm talking about?
The biggest thing about whole 30 for me has been the goal setting. I think it really has kept me on track with my workouts and maintaining my activity level. I went from pilates twice a week, to the gym mixed in there but just cardio and now I'm lifting weights again, doing cardio and pilates twice a week. So I would call that a win!!! I'm so happy I am able to have energy to workout and work and have a life. Paleo changed my life over a year ago and now the whole 30 is restarting and resetting paleo for me.
Once the 30 days are up, I will post my before and after pictures. 20 more days and things can only improve!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Day 7!!!
So it is finally day 7 and things are going well!!! Yesterday I had THREE workouts.
-30 minutes uphill /downhill with a dog in the am
-45 minutes at the gym (20 minutes of cardio and the rest arms/legs)
-1 hour uphill/downhill walk with dog
And today I just walked the dog for 45 minutes already and starting to plan my next workout. I'm also trying to get psyched for spinning tomorrow. I do have pilates tomorrow night so I'm hoping spin doesn't kill my legs/knee. We shall see!
I will say things are good in the whole 30 world. This am, I could really go for coffee but instead I'm eating my Lara bar and drinking sparkling mineral water. I miss the taste of coffee and might try to drink it again when it's time. I bought ghee so technically I could make bullet proof coffee if I had an immersion blender.
So that's enough of my rambling.
Day 7 and feeling fine! Thanks for reading!
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