Living with sadness

Social media has become a place for happiness, praise, babies, weddings, engagements, and politics. Social media is not for sadness, fights with our significant other's, true feelings, work talk, etc. Social media is meant to only show someone's happy life. Who wants to read about sad stuff? No one. But I feel that it's important to connect sadness to our daily lives because we all deal with it. It's hard because sadness can touch every corner of our lives. The purpose of this post is not for sympathy or "oh it'll be okay" it's so people know it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be vulnerable.

And with that, I will share...

For about two months, I have been super negative and not myself. I'm not finding much enjoyment in a lot of things that I lived for just a few months ago. I'm sure I know where it stems from but it's hard to overcome. Sadness is something we all battle, at one point or another but right now, I'm in it. Notice I do not say depressed. I'm not clinically diagnosed with depression and therefore, I will not say I'm depressed. I'm just in a funk. It happens to all of us but it's not depression unless you are assessed by someone trained like a psychiatrist or therapist.

One thing that has suffered greatly is my sleep quality which has impacted my ability to get up and feel good for barre, during the week or on the weekend. In two months, I've been to the barre four times. That's crappy for me but I take comfort in the fact that I will one day get back into the groove. Last night, I was convinced I'd get up and go today but when I woke up, I felt like I was holding a ton of bricks all over my body. *For those of you who don't know, I suffer from scoliosis and haven't had an adjustment since January--explains a lot* But my whole body hurt and was so stiff, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Another thing to suffer is my eating. I'm not really eating like I use to. I'm eating way too much gluten free bread and other things that I shouldn't be ingesting like candy and brownies (only once though, which is a HUGE deal considering they use to be my favorite food)... could be a part of the problem. So while my body isn't changing too much, the image of myself I have is starting to shift. I feel bigger than I am and more bloated than I actually am. So to supplement for barre, I've been walking, or at least, trying to walk. It's also hard when I was on call for two ROUGH weeks and never really got back into my groove after them.

It's hard to not let this sadness define you, especially when there are moments of happiness and laughter. It can be really difficult to go about life as if nothing is wrong so I throw myself into school, tv shows, and my cats to hide away.

I called a therapist this week so next week I'll get back into that too. I know I have a lot of unresolved feelings from a lot of events in my life and maybe they are catching up to me.

So that's where I've been. I've been dealing with these feelings. I will come out the other end of this thing and be a better me :) So don't worry! :)